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Permalink to “The Office” Recap, Season 8, Episode 12, “Pool Party”

“The Office” Recap, Season 8, Episode 12, “Pool Party”

by Amy|on January 22, 2012 |in Humor, Media, Pop Culture, Television |tagged Creed Bratton, humor, NBC, recap, Robert-California, television, The Office |Leave a comment

Howdy, all! Sixth Office recap. Holy all things shiny. This is a momentous occasion. Now, I was immediately on guard this week, because anything with the words “pool” and “party” make me stabby. I hate swimming. And parties. And…well, let’s just say that I left the episode feeling justified in my weirdo beliefs.

The Office
Season 8, Episode 12
“Pool Party”

In brief: Robert Effing California is apparently a rich guy and has a mansion that he is selling now that he is getting divorced. Kevin’s all, “you should invite us over to a pool party at your mansion!” and for some reason, Robert Effing California does so. At the party, all kinds of stupid things happen. Jim’s the only one who’s not an asshat, and he tries to leave early, only he gets roped into a tour that takes most of the night and involves Robert Effing California whining about all the things he never got to do in the mansion while Gabe and Ryan compete like little suck-up Shih-Tzus for his attention. Erin finds out that Andy might still like her, so spends the night trying to make him jealous by pretending to be flirting with Dwight. Andy loses, then regains, his heirloom engagement ring with which he may or may not be proposing to his girlfriend who is still totally too good for him. Darryl is embarrassed to take his shirt off in front of Val; Kathy the temp seems to be wanting to climb Jim like a tree; Robert Effing Creeper California takes all of his clothes off; and Andy and Erin share a moment, after he is shamed by Dwight.

Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 4

1. Dwight and Stanley planning on eating those gross left-out meatballs
2. The fact that both Dwight and Erin think that smearing potato chips on each other’s faces might be construed as sexy times
3. Jim running over all the shrubbery in his haste to escape the party
4. Creed, for playing the guitar and wearing a tiara

Times I wanted to punch someone: 4

1. Andy’s stupid family, for giving him an engagement ring but only after they took out the stone (although, considering they gave the stone to his brother, and his brother is JOSH GROBAN, who I love love love, I kind of get that)
2. Gabe, for having Korean porn on his iPod
3. Robert Effing California, for getting naked (ew ew ew ew)
4. Myself, because this was one of those episodes where I randomly found Dwight hot (I KNOW. I DON’T GET IT EITHER. I THINK I’M BROKEN.)

NEW CATEGORY!

Times I “awwww”d: 1

1. Dwight telling Andy he was an idiot

This episode was annoying on like, a multitude of levels. These people hang out too much; no office hangs out this much. Andy and Erin: STOP DICKING AROUND ALREADY YOU ARE ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF ME. Robert Effing California has outweighed his welcome; writers, please, please, PLEASE make it stop. Gabe and Ryan were bothering me. Phyllis and Kelly were the height of stupidity. Kathy’s going to be in love with Jim now? That’s where we’re taking this? Really? I don’t approve. SO MANY THINGS WERE BOTHERSOME. Seriously, show, you are pissing me off. JUST STOP IT.

“Trivia,” on the Creed Scale, gets:

Creed making the “slitting your throat” gesture with his finger. This episode was the worst, you guys. Total turd sandwich.

And on a scale of one to ten Creeds, this episode gets:

A SAD PANDA.

It got NO Creeds on the Creed scale. It got a SAD PANDA.

Seriously, Office writers, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Come on. Stop it. FIX THIS.

Happy week, you guys, happy week! Love your faces! SMOOOOOCH!

Permalink to “The Office” Recap, Season 8, Episode 11, “Trivia”

“The Office” Recap, Season 8, Episode 11, “Trivia”

by Amy|on January 16, 2012 |in Humor, Media, Pop Culture, Television |tagged Creed Bratton, humor, NBC, recap, Robert-California, television, The Office |2 Comments

Welcome back from the holidays, everyone! Time for our fifth Office recap. I hope you’re ready for some awesomeness. Because I know what you were thinking, going into this week’s episode. “This is going to suck, I hope I have enough alcoholic beverages to sustain me.” Oh, wait, I was the only one who thought that? I might have a drinking problem? Shut it, Slappy.

The Office
Season 8, Episode 11
“Trivia”

In brief: Robert Effing California made Andy promise to get the sales figures up this quarter. Andy’s been buying a shit-ton of paper himself to do so, but he’s out of money, and out of storage space for the paper, so he closes the whole office (THESE PEOPLE NEVER WORK EVER) and takes them all to a trivia contest where the prize is $1,000 so they can meet the sales figures. They break into three teams – the A team, the B team, and the loser team – and guess who wins? Yep, the loser team, consisting of Meredith, Erin, Kevin, and Kelly, whose random knowledge of nonsense (and perviness) really pulls through. In the meantime, Dwight goes to Florida to convince Robert Effing California to hire him for a manager’s position down there, but Robert Effing California puts him off and makes him pitch to creepy Gabe instead (who is working every other day in Florida, and every other day in Pennsylvania, which is the funniest, yo.) Dwight strong-arms Gabe into bringing him (Dwight) to Robert Effing California’s home, where he pitches himself to the weird puffy weirdo, but Robert Effing California tells him the job is beneath him, even though it’s totally a lie, and if there’s anything that Dwight understands, it’s that he’s better than all the things.

Now, apparently, people online thought this episode was the suck? But I totally thought the trivia plotline was hysterical. And honestly, I wasn’t even drinking. THAT MUCH. So either I’m broken, or I just like things without Robert Effing California and Creepy Praying Mantis Gabe in them.

Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 9

1. Kevin’s Koolaid-man “Oh, yeah!” at his candy bar
2. The fact that Gabe is so inconsequential he’s being forced to commute, DAILY, between Florida and Pennsylvania, because NO ONE WANTS HIS CREEPY ASS IN THEIR OFFICE
3. Kevin thinking he belonged on the “A” trivia team
4. The “just have fun” team trying to brainstorm what blind people might have on their mind (“dogs!” “canes!” “darkness!”)
5. Ryan’s phone situation (“I just want to be with my PHONE!”) (Seriously, this is totally me, and I laughed so hard tears came to my eyes)
6. Kelly knowing an NBA answer because of the Kardashians
7. Erin ringing the trivia bell without knowing the answer
8. Robert Effing California’s weird wrestling thing going on in his apartment
9. Kevin knowing the French film because Marion Cotillard is naked in it and he’s a pervy perverson

Times I wanted to punch someone: 1

1. The writers, for not taking advantage of the opportunity to have Creed make some sort of awesomely funny answer at trivia.

I don’t know WHY I liked this episode so much! I’m reading people’s reviews online and people are all “I HATED THIS SO MUCH I WANTED TO DIE” but I don’t know, it totally entertained me! I mean, sure, the Robert Effing California and Creepy-Ass Gabe parts were painful, but they always are, right? I just do something else then. I liked the trivia thing! And it totally gets so many points for the Ryan and his phone part. I am Ryan when it comes to my phone. I am TOTALLY Ryan. I’m going on vacation in three months and I’m already all “what the hell when the plane tells me I have to turn my phone off? I won’t like that AT ALL.”

“Trivia,” on the Creed Scale, gets:

Creed trying to get something for free out of the vending machine. I know there wasn’t enough Creed? And I know the writers totally dropped the ball? But this is awesome, and you should see it.

And on a scale of one to ten Creeds, this episode gets:

Creed hiding for some reason behind a fridge. I don’t know, I just like it. Why’s he hiding behind the fridge? HE’S CREED. He doesn’t need to give you an explanation, damn.

Happy week, everyone!

Permalink to “The Office” Recap, Season 8, Episode 10, “Christmas Wishes”

“The Office” Recap, Season 8, Episode 10, “Christmas Wishes”

by Amy|on December 15, 2011 |in Humor, Media, Pop Culture, Television |tagged Christmas, comedy, Creed Bratton, NBC, recap, Robert-California, television, The Office |Leave a comment

Fourth Office recap. I KNOW IT RIGHT. The last time I stuck with something this long…I don’t know, I can’t remember that far back. Are we ready to rumble? Yep. We totally are. Well, I am. I don’t know about you. Are you? Are you ready to rumble?

The Office
Season 8, Episode 10
“Christmas Wishes”

In brief: It’s Christmas at the Office. You know what that means! The person in charge acting like a gigantic asshat, wearing a Santa costume, and an inappropriately boozy Christmas party. Seriously, this office doesn’t ever, ever do any work. Oh, also, there’s a literal asshat. No, I’m not kidding. Andy puts on a HAT with an ASS on it. A real ass. NO NOT A DONKEY. It’s embarrassing. So Andy decides, as office Santa, he can grant everyone’s wishes. Meredith wishes for a designated driver. Stanley goes on a rant about hating Kwanzaa, fueled by Lewis Black. Robert effing California shows up for the party, wearing a velveteen tracksuit, or some such shit, and begins forcing everyone to drink. You know. Like your CEO does. Andy’s girlfriend shows up. She’s lovely, and too good for Andy. Darryl invites Val, and tells her it’s fancy dress, only he meant, don’t show up in your warehouse uniform, and she took it as, dress like a movie star because DAMN did she look hot. Darryl feels badly, and leaves, only to come back wearing a tux. Yowza. There are some major sparks flying then. Robert California gets little wee Erin totally blitzed, and she passes along her Christmas wish: that Andy’s girlfriend is dead. In the ground. With worms coming out of her mouth. She pretty much screams this wish to the top of her lungs right in the middle of the party. Andy = not at all amused. When Andy finds out that Robert is bringing Erin home and is looking at her like a starving man seeing a McRib, he follows behind in Meredith’s van, but seeing that nothing happens between them gives Santa his Christmas wish, and he drives lushy Meredith home with a shit-eating grin on his face. Oh, and Jim and Dwight attempt to prank each other and make it look like the other person did it so they can gank each other’s Christmas bonus. And there’s a porcupine in a desk drawer at one point.

That was a lengthy recap, but a lot of shit went down in this episode, yo.

Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 9

1. Kelly not knowing what Hindu Christmas was
2. Ryan’s knowing nod at how awful the Black Eyed Peas are (am I the only person left in the world who actually enjoys the Black Eyed Peas to some extent, BTW?)
3. Dwight’s prank that involved sending flowers to Pam from Jim
4. The whole porcupine in the desk drawer thing (her name was Henrietta! And, “quilled!” Hee!)
5. Jim saying maybe he defaced the photo of CeCe “by accident”
6. Creed rocking out to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra
7. Kelly having Kardashian viruses on her computer
8. Kelly attempting to ruin Jessica’s good time by accusing her of farting (and then being so proud of her, Kelly’s, plan)
9. All the shit in the back of Meredith’s van and her fury when it all fell out

Times I wanted to punch someone: 3

1. Bet you can guess. Yep, you’re right. Robert effing California.
2. Both Andy and Erin. Repeatedly. But mostly Andy.
3. Andy for putting on that asshat.

I actually liked this episode a lot. A lot of solid laughs, only a little of the stupid. But here’s the thing. I know, I know, I know. A show loses its verve once the couple gets together. It’s already nowhere near as good, now that Pam and Jim are together. But Andy and Erin? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. You two are in love; you’re meant to be together; I barely remember why you broke up, and it’s obvious YOU don’t remember. This is silly, it’s embarrassing, and it’s totally the most tiresome. STOP IT. Also, I feel bad for Jessica. First, why is she dating stupid Andy? Second, she’s just going to get hurt. Annoying all around.

But this gets extra points for the porcupine. Not a lot of Creed, but extra porcupine-points.

“Christmas Wishes,” on the Creed Scale, gets:

Creed dressed as Dracula. I don’t know. There wasn’t a lot of Creed, but I don’t feel like I should deprive you of something as awesome as this.

And on a scale of one to ten Creeds, this episode gets:

Creed dressed as Osama bin Laden. This is my Christmas present to YOU, my little Office drones. Enjoy the break! Best wishes! Merry merry, happy happy, all that jazz, jazz HANDS, even!

Permalink to “The Office” Recap, Season 8, Episode 9, “Mrs. California”

“The Office” Recap, Season 8, Episode 9, “Mrs. California”

by Amy|on December 6, 2011 |in Humor, Media, Pop Culture, Television |tagged comedy, Creed Bratton, humor, Maura-Tierney, NBC, recap, Robert-California, television, The Office |Leave a comment

Are we really on our third Office recap? That is FANCY. Probably we should have drinks or something to celebrate. No, I’m not asking you out for drinks. Go get your OWN damn drinks. I don’t go out with just ANYONE, you know.

The Office
Season 8, Episode 9
“Mrs. California”

In brief: Robert California has promised his wife (played by the utterly scrumtilescent Maura Tierney) a job at the office. Only he doesn’t want her to work there. So he tells Andy UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES HIRE MY WIFE. Then he brings her in and tells Andy, in front of her, “Here’s my wife! Hire her!” So Andy, completely torn between insane lunatic Daddy and super-smoking-hot and also very, very nice Mommy, hires her, then Robert tells him he has to find a way to fire her, so there are confrontations and treating her poorly and it’s all very, very embarrassing and slapsticky and I wanted to punch people in the faces multiple times. Also, Dwight starts a gym with the funniest equipment ever (DEDICATED PHONE BOOK RIPPING STATION!) and Jim, to escape the insanity, climbs to the roof, where he finds Creed, randomly flying a tiny remote-control helicopter. Oh, and Mrs. California asks Andy out, and he accidentally accepts. Like it would EVER be an accident anyone would accept a date with Maura Tierney. Seriously, the woman just battled cancer and won and she STILL glows like a star on high. SO GORGEOUS YOU GUYS.

If someone reading this wants to pass along that I’m obviously the best in the whole world at writing recaps and should be paid major coinage for doing so, that’d be great. Thanks a bundle.

Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 8

Creed’s knowledge of suicide cults
“Dwight Schrute’s Gym for Muscles” and the gym equipment therein (Darryl calling it a scene out of Saw V was awesome. And TRUE.)
Dwight telling Darryl he would make him buff for Val Kilmer (with only a moment’s hesitation)
Dwight saying that being a mom was the easiest job in the world
Andy trying to scare Susan off by getting Dwight talking about his “ranking of animals”
Robert trying to make a fake call to Andy by pretending he was his grandmother and Andy incapable of even that tiny amount of deception
Erin planning on how to scare Susan away by giving her the bad stapler
Jim climbing on the roof, finding Creed and his tiny helicopter, telling Creed “I was never here!” and Creed agreeing, but then saying “But what about your friend?” BECAUSE CREED IS ONE LONG AWESOME ACID FLASHBACK YOU GUYS.

Times I wanted to punch someone: 1

Always, ALWAYS, effing Robert California, seriously.

This wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen. The whole “Andy! Is incapable! Of making! An adult decision!” thing? Totally annoying. But I really, really have a lady-crush on Maura Tierney. And she looked AMAZING. So that was nice. And the whole Dwight Schrute’s Gym for Muscles was awesome and hysterical. And there was a decent amount of Creed, comparatively! And since Pam’s on maternity leave, we don’t have to deal with that whole “I’m in FAKE LABOR!” nonsense, and that was nice. Overall, if you ignored the fact that it was Robert California-heavy (and it WAS, it totally WAS, ugh, ANNOYING), it wasn’t a bad episode, all-told.

“Mrs. California,” on the Creed Scale, gets:

CREED DRESSED AS A MUMMY. This was a very good episode, Creed-wise. Remote-controlled roof helicopter flying! Suicide-cult knowledge! Seeing people that weren’t there! Yahoo!

And on a scale of one to ten Creeds, this episode gets:

CREED DRESSED AS THE JOKER FROM THE DARK KNIGHT. Why? Because I’m awesome, it’s awesome, and who doesn’t want more awesome in their lives? YOU’RE WELCOME AMERICA.

Permalink to The Office recap, Season 8, Episode 8, “Gettysburg”

The Office recap, Season 8, Episode 8, “Gettysburg”

by Amy|on November 27, 2011 |in Humor, Media, Pop Culture, Television |tagged humor, recap, Robert-California, television, The Office |Leave a comment

Time for another Office recap! Which isn’t so much a “recap” as it is “rambling on almost incoherently and it’s really a good thing that you like me, otherwise you’d probably tune out completely, what’s that, you already did, well screw you, buddy?”

The Office
Season 8, Episode 8
“Gettysburg”

In brief: Andy, because he’s a big weird weirdo and no one ever seems to do any work in this office, like, ever, decides to take the office on a field trip to Gettysburg to teach them that selling paper is like a war. Only half of the office wants to go, and the half that stays behind is surprised by a visit from Robert California, who wants them to give him presentations on “game changers” in the paper industry while he sits in the back sneering. The winner of the presentations = Kevin. Yeah. I know. At Gettysburg, Andy dorbs around and makes everyone walk like a zillion miles; Gabe does a reenactment of the life of Lincoln for some really stupid tourists; and Dwight finds out the truth of the “Battle of Schrute Farms” that he’s been making up stories about.

Again, awesome recaplet, right? I kind of rule.

Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 7

Andy, “I paid $200 for this flag!” Jim, “ONLY $200?” (deadpan at camera)
Phyllis’s recitation of the things she had for breakfast (my kind of woman, Phyllis)
The way Ryan said “origami” (but only because it reminded me of the way Ross said “karate” in Friends. Oh, and bee tee dubs, I was reading some website that called Friends “F.R.I.E.N.D.S.” What? It’s like The Man from U.N.C.L.E. Whatever could it STAND for? I laughed for like an HOUR.)
Dwight’s horror at the true story of Schrute farms (and Oscar’s glee, and the accompanying documentary with the naked people with the naughty bits blurred out)
Erin screaming irrationally when Dwight and Oscar were arguing over Schrute Farms
Jim saying that he was pretty sure the hat meant something sexual
Kevin saying “YES I AM AN ACCOUNTANT” like he was as moron robot

Times I wanted to punch someone: 4

Again, effing Robert California, seriously.
Ryan annoys me more every week. I liked him more when he was snarky/coked up. Now he’s just sad.
Gabe’s Lincoln reenactment could have been funny. But like everything else Gabe does, it was sad and pathetic.
Really, Pam? Pretending to go into labor isn’t at all douchey.

This was…um, how can I be nice. What’s that? I’m very rarely nice, why start now? FINE. This was not a good episode. It was really very stupid, other than the few funny moments mentioned above. I watched Community and Parks and Rec immediately after and they were awesome. COME ON OFFICE. This is EMBARRASSING.

Pam’s pregnancy = boring. Have that goddamn baby, Pam. God. What are you gestating in there, an…um…elephant…shit, I have no idea what animal takes a long time to gestate. What? I could use Google? FINE. Google says the funny thing to put in there would have been “shark,” which can take up to 42 months. WHAT? Good gravy, no wonder they’re so bitey.

Andy’s constant self-doubt = also boring. I mean, is he great at his job? Probably not. But if he SAT DOWN AND DID HIS JOB, he might do a better job at it than if he was all running around the state Gettysburging and getting tattoos on his ass.

Robert California sucks more every week; make it stop. Gabe sucks; make it stop.

Things there can be more of: shots of Jim, because he is pretty; Dwight being a crazy person (or seductive, which somehow is really sexy? I know, it’s odd!); Erin being crazy; and Creed. THERE CAN NEVER BE ENOUGH CREED.

“Gettysburg,” on the Creed Scale, gets: