Howdy, all! Sixth Office recap. Holy all things shiny. This is a momentous occasion. Now, I was immediately on guard this week, because anything with the words “pool” and “party” make me stabby. I hate swimming. And parties. And…well, let’s just say that I left the episode feeling justified in my weirdo beliefs.
Season 8, Episode 12
In brief: Robert Effing California is apparently a rich guy and has a mansion that he is selling now that he is getting divorced. Kevin’s all, “you should invite us over to a pool party at your mansion!” and for some reason, Robert Effing California does so. At the party, all kinds of stupid things happen. Jim’s the only one who’s not an asshat, and he tries to leave early, only he gets roped into a tour that takes most of the night and involves Robert Effing California whining about all the things he never got to do in the mansion while Gabe and Ryan compete like little suck-up Shih-Tzus for his attention. Erin finds out that Andy might still like her, so spends the night trying to make him jealous by pretending to be flirting with Dwight. Andy loses, then regains, his heirloom engagement ring with which he may or may not be proposing to his girlfriend who is still totally too good for him. Darryl is embarrassed to take his shirt off in front of Val; Kathy the temp seems to be wanting to climb Jim like a tree; Robert Effing Creeper California takes all of his clothes off; and Andy and Erin share a moment, after he is shamed by Dwight.
Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 4
1. Dwight and Stanley planning on eating those gross left-out meatballs
2. The fact that both Dwight and Erin think that smearing potato chips on each other’s faces might be construed as sexy times
3. Jim running over all the shrubbery in his haste to escape the party
4. Creed, for playing the guitar and wearing a tiara
Times I wanted to punch someone: 4
1. Andy’s stupid family, for giving him an engagement ring but only after they took out the stone (although, considering they gave the stone to his brother, and his brother is JOSH GROBAN, who I love love love, I kind of get that)
2. Gabe, for having Korean porn on his iPod
3. Robert Effing California, for getting naked (ew ew ew ew)
4. Myself, because this was one of those episodes where I randomly found Dwight hot (I KNOW. I DON’T GET IT EITHER. I THINK I’M BROKEN.)
Times I “awwww”d: 1
1. Dwight telling Andy he was an idiot
This episode was annoying on like, a multitude of levels. These people hang out too much; no office hangs out this much. Andy and Erin: STOP DICKING AROUND ALREADY YOU ARE ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF ME. Robert Effing California has outweighed his welcome; writers, please, please, PLEASE make it stop. Gabe and Ryan were bothering me. Phyllis and Kelly were the height of stupidity. Kathy’s going to be in love with Jim now? That’s where we’re taking this? Really? I don’t approve. SO MANY THINGS WERE BOTHERSOME. Seriously, show, you are pissing me off. JUST STOP IT.
“Trivia,” on the Creed Scale, gets:
Creed making the “slitting your throat” gesture with his finger. This episode was the worst, you guys. Total turd sandwich.
And on a scale of one to ten Creeds, this episode gets:
A SAD PANDA.
It got NO Creeds on the Creed scale. It got a SAD PANDA.
Seriously, Office writers, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Come on. Stop it. FIX THIS.
Happy week, you guys, happy week! Love your faces! SMOOOOOCH!