When there’s no more room in hell… the dead shall walk the earth…
If you remember anything about me- remember that I could survive the zombie apocalypse… for a little while at least. I’m a zombie enthusiast. I’m not nuts- I haven’t built a zombie proofed home or stocked up on everything I’d need to survive but it’s nice to know that living in Vegas I have the option.
I was driving towards China Town one sunny after noon and stopped at a light right at Spring Mountain the the 15 I noticed three awesome words: Zombie Apocalypse Store. Surely I would have noticed it before- seeing as how there’s a velociraptor on the roof… see- right here is why I love Vegas. It’s a city full of random. Whole stores of gourmet flavored popcorn? Check. Pho restaurants on every corner? Check. Naked chicks on taxi cabs? Check. Zombie Survival stores with dinosaur on roof? Fucking check!
I was so giddy with excitement I almost held my bachelorette party there… but sadly it had already been planned out.
So what is this? Are they serious? I was almost afraid to approach it… anyone with the balls to open a zombie apocalypse store in Vegas should be approached with caution- because they’re either really serious or really into fads… I needed to know what the hell was going on and why I hadn’t heard about it until I saw it. It’s pretty much all kinds of win… or at least it will be once the kinks are ironed out (hey when they opened Disneyland in 1955 nothing worked).
Upon entering I noticed one thing… a few kids running around. I wasn’t sure if I should be nervous or stoked at this point. I focused on the people behind the register- who greeted me immediately with smiles.
The owner- Mike- at least I’m pretty sure his name is Mike… if not we’re gonna call him Mike. Mike- please feel free to correct me as I’m have a shitty memory when it comes to names- especially easy names. Anyway… MIKE is a pretty cool dude and he runs the place with his wife and their kids (who have free rein of the place). I’m gonna try and over look your zombie targets in the likeness of Obama there, Mike… because I like your store concept. I dig your Team America shirt.
I mean let’s be honest here… I’ll pretty much be surrounding myself with NRA card members if shit ever hits the fan. It’s the smart thing to do. I don’t want to be surrounded by hippies who don’t know how to use a gun- that would be useless and stupid. I want people like Mike on my side. He seems like a no bullshit kind of guy.
The store itself is a functioning supply store… but it carries some serious gear to help ready yourself for the zombie apocalypse. No guns- that much is certain… only knives and blunt weapons (you know, like a T1000). But really… the safest way to go is to have bats and knives and maybe some cross bows- guns can complicate any situation as you well know if you have ever played Left 4 Dead with me… friendly fire doesn’t fucking exist in real life.
Food? They got it… delicious MRI types of meals… if you were in the military like me- you know these rock. Everyone should partake in eating like they are in prison- at least once… and let’s face it- not all of us can hunt squirrels like Daryl Dixon. We will be eating this shit and liking it. One hundred servings per bucket… always wanted to eat out of a bucket.
The knives were amazing- there are all kinds of target practice items, signs, art, zom-bombs… you know what you need Mike? Treadmills… it’s the ultimate in zombie protection… just surround your house with treadmills. Let’s not get technical about where you’re gonna get the power to run them- obviously there would be some science involved.
By the way… the website is horrible (but you can still order items off of it!)… www.zombieapocalypsestore.com
I’m a douche bag critic because I’m a web designer- but hey… don’t apologize for your website… just get a better website… by contacting me, Mike. I’ll fucking do this shit for somewhat close to free because you’ve made my Graceland a reality. I’m just throwing that out there. I mean- if you can take my sarcasm and middle of the road political views, we’d be best friends. By the way I’m a fucking awesome web designer. Just saying. And I’m sorry to your other web person for totally shitting on their rift. I don’t have an online filter… I’m really respectful in person though, so it works out. By the way you need a Twitter account.
Have a fun look at the rest of the store!
If you find yourself in my lovely- albeit sin infested town… stop on by the store… it’s off the I-15 and Spring Mountain (get off the highway and drive AWAY from the strip two lights… there’s a fucking dinosaur on the roof… you’re an idiot if you miss it.) For a more in depth look at the entire store there’s a cool video over at Almost Nerdy… so check it out!