Fourth Office recap. I KNOW IT RIGHT. The last time I stuck with something this long…I don’t know, I can’t remember that far back. Are we ready to rumble? Yep. We totally are. Well, I am. I don’t know about you. Are you? Are you ready to rumble?
The Office
Season 8, Episode 10
“Christmas Wishes”
In brief: It’s Christmas at the Office. You know what that means! The person in charge acting like a gigantic asshat, wearing a Santa costume, and an inappropriately boozy Christmas party. Seriously, this office doesn’t ever, ever do any work. Oh, also, there’s a literal asshat. No, I’m not kidding. Andy puts on a HAT with an ASS on it. A real ass. NO NOT A DONKEY. It’s embarrassing. So Andy decides, as office Santa, he can grant everyone’s wishes. Meredith wishes for a designated driver. Stanley goes on a rant about hating Kwanzaa, fueled by Lewis Black. Robert effing California shows up for the party, wearing a velveteen tracksuit, or some such shit, and begins forcing everyone to drink. You know. Like your CEO does. Andy’s girlfriend shows up. She’s lovely, and too good for Andy. Darryl invites Val, and tells her it’s fancy dress, only he meant, don’t show up in your warehouse uniform, and she took it as, dress like a movie star because DAMN did she look hot. Darryl feels badly, and leaves, only to come back wearing a tux. Yowza. There are some major sparks flying then. Robert California gets little wee Erin totally blitzed, and she passes along her Christmas wish: that Andy’s girlfriend is dead. In the ground. With worms coming out of her mouth. She pretty much screams this wish to the top of her lungs right in the middle of the party. Andy = not at all amused. When Andy finds out that Robert is bringing Erin home and is looking at her like a starving man seeing a McRib, he follows behind in Meredith’s van, but seeing that nothing happens between them gives Santa his Christmas wish, and he drives lushy Meredith home with a shit-eating grin on his face. Oh, and Jim and Dwight attempt to prank each other and make it look like the other person did it so they can gank each other’s Christmas bonus. And there’s a porcupine in a desk drawer at one point.
That was a lengthy recap, but a lot of shit went down in this episode, yo.
Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 9
1. Kelly not knowing what Hindu Christmas was
2. Ryan’s knowing nod at how awful the Black Eyed Peas are (am I the only person left in the world who actually enjoys the Black Eyed Peas to some extent, BTW?)
3. Dwight’s prank that involved sending flowers to Pam from Jim
4. The whole porcupine in the desk drawer thing (her name was Henrietta! And, “quilled!” Hee!)
5. Jim saying maybe he defaced the photo of CeCe “by accident”
6. Creed rocking out to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra
7. Kelly having Kardashian viruses on her computer
8. Kelly attempting to ruin Jessica’s good time by accusing her of farting (and then being so proud of her, Kelly’s, plan)
9. All the shit in the back of Meredith’s van and her fury when it all fell out
Times I wanted to punch someone: 3
1. Bet you can guess. Yep, you’re right. Robert effing California.
2. Both Andy and Erin. Repeatedly. But mostly Andy.
3. Andy for putting on that asshat.
I actually liked this episode a lot. A lot of solid laughs, only a little of the stupid. But here’s the thing. I know, I know, I know. A show loses its verve once the couple gets together. It’s already nowhere near as good, now that Pam and Jim are together. But Andy and Erin? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. You two are in love; you’re meant to be together; I barely remember why you broke up, and it’s obvious YOU don’t remember. This is silly, it’s embarrassing, and it’s totally the most tiresome. STOP IT. Also, I feel bad for Jessica. First, why is she dating stupid Andy? Second, she’s just going to get hurt. Annoying all around.
But this gets extra points for the porcupine. Not a lot of Creed, but extra porcupine-points.
“Christmas Wishes,” on the Creed Scale, gets: 
Creed dressed as Dracula. I don’t know. There wasn’t a lot of Creed, but I don’t feel like I should deprive you of something as awesome as this.
And on a scale of one to ten Creeds, this episode gets: 
Creed dressed as Osama bin Laden. This is my Christmas present to YOU, my little Office drones. Enjoy the break! Best wishes! Merry merry, happy happy, all that jazz, jazz HANDS, even!
