Lately, some of my friends have been complaining about one sided friendships- and sadly  I’ve run into this problem  as well… since I’m now over thirty- it’s been a bit of a wake up call. Personally, I put a lot into friendships… but the downside is you have to deal with my sarcasm. I’m not for everyone, that’s for sure. I don’t ask for much in return. But I think at the very least, a good friend should believe in your dreams and aspirations almost as much as their own… and be pleasant. Have my back. Because I’ll have yours.

Why have any sort of standard concerning friendship? Well, you don’t have to. I choose to. It’s worked out quite well for me in the past… you don’t want to call up someone with big news and they aren’t the least bit impressed and begin talking about whatever they’re doing- that they’ve conveniently left you out of- with a bored tone. Like they would rather be listening to  Kenny G Live than talk to you. Call me crazy- but I like having happy people around. I’d like to feel wanted (holy shit, so high maintenance!), I don’t just want to deal with a bitchy attitude all the time. Because it sucks all the positivity away, makes you feel shitty and hurts your feelings- and in turn, makes YOU bitchy. Why fool yourself into calling that a friendship?

“Oh that’s just the way she is,” is a common defense. Well then fuck her. Why would anyone invest in a shallow, negative cloud of friendship? Especially if they would drop you like a bad answer with the flip of a hat.

I really see a lot of “putting up” with people- out of convenience, or respect for a significant other who is nicer but for some reason loves being miserable… yadda yadda. It’s not something I’d put myself through. If it’s difficult to be someone’s friend- then they aren’t your friend. You’re better than them- move on. Let them be shocked that you had the decency to just walk away.

Just like an abusive relationship- a shitty friend CAN (and most likely will) abuse you. By no means does a friendship have to be balanced… but there should always be SUPPORT. If you give all your support and they give you zero in return… let them be surprised they don’t have any of your support during their next endeavor… they will view it as you being a jerk (remember, self involved) but at least you don’t have to be taken advantage of anymore. (PS It’s really fucking liberating)

• Friends do not take what you say in confidence, and repeat it in mixed company.
• Friends do not talk negatively about you behind your back.
• Friends will take on a favor from you and get it done.
• Friends will want to see you to succeed just as much as they want to see themselves succeed.
• Friends will NOT treat your significant other like shit.
• Friends will not let other friends treat you like shit.
• Friends give credit where credit is due.
• Friends are considerate of your feelings yet will confront you when you’re being unreasonable.

Yeah it all sounds harsh- like a list  (omg we hate lists!) but honestly… all this comes naturally to decent people. Shit ain’t hard. Don’t sell yourself short because someone is trying to trample you into the ground to make themselves appear larger. All of the above mentioned things are red flags.

You best believe I won’t be putting any effort into moving a brick wall… your friendship is a gift, your support is a blessing- and people should be fucking honored to have it. This isn’t high school… people shouldn’t be stupid assholes just because they can’t control their hormones. I wouldn’t advice anyone to settle in a relationship- so I wouldn’t advice anyone to settle for a friendship either…

Author’s Note: 90% of my good friends (RL) are people I’ve met over the years through online gaming or online social media… 5% through other friends… 5% College… next post will explore the benefits of online friendships.

Get ready to turn on the waterworks.

From what I can tell, the “romantic” movie needs to be better labeled. Seriously. With a Romantic Comedy, you know what you’re getting, but a Romantic movie is missing the “tragedy” tag at the end. As you sit there with your tissues, wondering why the hell you decided watching this movie was a good idea, it becomes painfully obvious that somewhere along the line, the traditional Greek definition of comedy and tragedy has been lost and we’ve all been snookered.

Nowadays, when a movie is labeled as “beautifully romantic” it means somebody’s gonna die. It’s going to be sad and you’re going to weep, but we sniffle through knowing somehow it’ll be sort of okay because the partner left behind has learned something, become a better person, because of this tragedy, or at least because of having that person in their lives.

Which brings me around to discussing what a tragedy is for realz. Tragedy does not mean that someone has died needlessly. We’ve forgotten that in a true tragedy, there is a redemption of some sort, even if it’s only of a small, personal kind. Someone still learns something in a tragedy, while situations like a senseless murder are not tragic in and of themselves. No, that is quite simply and horribly a waste of precious life. It only becomes tragic when we all start truly learning something and real change occurs, triggered by the death.

Are we all crying yet?

But i’m losing my path here. I’m talking about movies and storytelling.

I suppose that studios don’t want to flat out say “Hey, you’re gonna weep because the couple you’ve been rooting for all along are going to be torn apart by DEATH”.Which means that we are now going to be manipulated by those same studios into thinking our couple is going to struggle to get together, overcoming obstacles both external and internal, but in the end will be together. Except that this is, in reality, a Romantic Tragedy and so they may end up knowing they were loved and gave love in return, but they will never end up growing old together. The best case scenario is that they do end up together, but there was so much wasted time, so many mistakes made, that we’re still left with a feeling of sadness at the end, that it could have been so much better for them.

In juxtaposition, we have the modern Romantic Comedy. In modern times, there are always lots and lots of laughs in this genre. Things stay light and fluffy, for the most part. There is an extremely happy ending and all is right with the world when we’re through.

They're way too happy. Must be a RomCom.

Shakespeare, of course, had this all figured out and knew how to do it up right. I’ll get to modern standouts in a moment, but we’ll ask the Bard to clarify things a bit first.

Quite simply, Romantic Tragedy = Romeo and Juliet, Romantic Comedy = Much Ado About Nothing. To be a bit more verbose about it, in both stories, two young people fall in love. There may be bickering between families or other little obstacles, but that is the core of their stories, they fall in love and decide to get married.

Also in both stories, we have a young groom who has been told his bride is dead, which is a lie. In R&J, we have a tragic ending, where the young man hears the news and decides to off himself because he cannot live without her.

Our hero, Claudio in MAAN, on the other hand, is told he must marry the bride’s cousin to uphold the contract he made with her father and tearfully agrees.

The difference, in the end, is that Claudio is rewarded for his patience and honor, finding that fair Hero is alive and well. Romeo, impetuous thing that he is, offs himself needlessly, which then triggers Juliet’s own actual and for real suicide.

Alright, see, this one doesn't count. It's too awesome.

With all that explanation out of the way, we can see that the comedy ends happily and the tragedy ends sadly as expected, but unlike our modern RomCom, there is a true depth and drama in MAAN, a full and satisfying tale with true peril for our couple to overcome.

So, are there any RomComs (gah, there’s even a silly name for them!) out there today that can live up to this wonderful mix of drama and emotion to feel more satisfying than the happy-dappy ending we’ve become accustomed to of late? Yes, though just as with MAAN, there needs to be a touch of tragedy in with the comedy.

See, there’s a reason that “Love Actually” is billed as the ultimate romantic comedy. If you have not seen it, and have any interest in all I’m saying here, you should. It manages to wrap up that perfect mix of happy, but temper it with just enough sad to make it resonate in a real way and avoid tending toward the inane. It’s the reason “Sleepless in Seattle” was so blindingly successful as well.

No, YOU are perfect. Sigh.

It seems that basically, to set themselves apart from the Romantic Tragedy, RomComs have gone to an extreme, along with the meaning of Comedy itself. Perhaps this is part of our modern quest for mindless escapism? To me, that simply short changes the genre and the story. It also then blurs what a Romantic Tragedy is meant to be and those films, in turn, are billed as “beautifully romantic”, disguising the darkness watching in wait for an unsuspecting viewer.

What’s to be done about it? Not much, from what I can see. Just keeping our eyes peeled for those deeper stories and sometimes succumbing to the lure of the RomCom when we’re positive we want the happy ending or simply had a rough day. We might possibly try to remember what Comedy and Tragedy are supposed to mean, in the dramatic sense, too.

As for me, I went looking for a story that was romantic without being silly or outrageous and got caught in the trap of the modern Romantic Tragedy/Comedy extremist definitions. Next time I’ll be sure to pull out the tissues before I sit down.

I know. I’ve been woefully absent. I proffer my most abject apologies.

I work at a tax firm, you see, and this is the time of year where things are a little cuckoo-bananas. OK, sorry, that’s an understatement. If my regular life is cuckoo-bananas, this time of year is INSANE BANANA-CRACKERS.

Once things go back to normal, I promise: more regular posting. And maybe even we’ll get back to the Office/Revenge recaps, although Revenge seems to randomly have gone AWOL. I don’t know what the hell happened there. I miss Nolan like craziness.

But today, because I’m really needing it (and maybe you are too, I don’t know your lives, and maybe I don’t want to, they might be scary) let’s talk about something happy for a bit. For cheery purposes. To make things a little brighter.

I had to work yesterday. It was bad. I’m not going to sugar-coat it. It was REALLY bad. Without saying something that could get me fired if one of the more internet-savvy of my coworkers decided to look into my extracurriculars, a certain coworker almost got punched in the nose by yours truly. (SIDE NOTE: did you ever notice that if someone annoys you, I mean REALLY annoys you, EVERYTHING they does annoys you? This person – oh, let’s call him Buddy – is SO ANNOYING that even the pronunciation of certain WORDS annoys me. “Priority.” He says that one a lot. “This is a priority. Is that a priority? Because what I have here, this one’s a priority.” Only he says it like “pri-urr-dy.” IT MAKES ME STABBILICIOUS. Also? April 17th is the deadline for all the taxes. EVERY DAMN THING ON MY DESK IS A STINKING PRI-URR-DY, BUDDY.)

Anyway, so I was not in the best of moods when I was driving home. Even though I have the entire day off today, and that SHOULD have put me in a good mood, just the IDEA of a whole day off. But Buddy and his stinking pri-urr-dies made me crabby.

Then a totally happy song I hadn’t heard in years came on the radio and I squealed like a child seeing Mickey Mouse at Disney for the first time and it went a long way toward fixing things.

So I was thinking: there are certain songs that, no matter when they come on the radio, no matter what kind of mood I’m in, I will immediate cheer up. Songs that transport me back to a happier time, that are so cheery and so fun and so boppy that I can’t help but grin and sing along. And I thought, hey, the internet might want some cheer. Let’s share some of those with the internet. Because I love you, internet. I truly do. Now, it bears note that I usually opt for sad, moody songs. Like, currently, my two songs that I am obsessed with and can’t stop listening to are The Civil Wars’ “Poison and Wine” and Gotye and Kimbra’s “Somebody That I Used to Know.” And yes, those make me happy, too. But melancholy. I’m talking about the kind of songs that make you unabashedly happy. Like, bopping around in your car, singing to the top of your lungs, grinning like a moron happy.

So, without further ado:

FIVE SONGS THAT IMMEDIATE TURN MY STABBINESS INTO CHEERFULNESS (BARRING THAT, AT LEAST A LITTLE LESS STABBY – SOMETIMES, THAT’S BETTER THAN NOTHING)

If I Had $1,000,000 – Barenaked Ladies

I grew up right on the Canadian border. Our radio stations were all out of Canada. I remember the first time this came on the radio. I laughed SO HARD. It was catchy and it was fun and it was just so damn ADORABLE. You could just not get into this song. You could hear the smiles on the face of the band as they sang it. Even my DAD loved this song. And he knew how much I loved it. He used to tell me if he had a million dollars, he would buy me a green dress, but not a real green dress. That’s cruel. This was the song on the radio yesterday. It cheered me immensely.

(I know this video is le suck, but there’s no real music video, and the live versions had weird improved lyrics. I wanted you to all hear the version I grew up with. “Dijon ketchup! Mmmm.”)

Ob La Di, Ob La Da – The Beatles

Oh, like you haven’t heard this a million times. But come on, can you listen to this grumpy? No. No, you cannot. There are a lot of Beatles songs that make me grin, though. This was a tough call. I went with this one because of the laughing, and the clapping. But I also love “Baby, You’re a Rich Man” and “Rocky Raccoon” and “When I’m 64″ (although that one makes me a little sad) and “Yellow Submarine.” But this one just makes me smile. They sound so happy and like they’re having so much fun, don’t they? Also, I like the “life goes on” line. Because it does. It totally does. And we all need to be reminded of that sometimes, don’t we?

A Boy Named Sue – Johnny Cash

I hear this come on the radio and I honestly clap. I know! I clap! Like a goon! Here’s something funny that will make you shake your head: the first time I heard this song was about ten years ago. I KNOW WHAT THE HELL. I was driving across the country, moving here to where I live now, and I listened to a LOT of music on that trip. And one of the CDs I’d gotten from the used CD store was a best-of Johnny Cash CD. And this was on there. I’d never heard it before. I know, I don’t know how that’s possible, either. My parents liked Johnny Cash a lot, growing up. I’m thinking because it has a cuss in it, they didn’t let me listen to this particular song? Anyway, I laughed SO HARD. I played it OVER AND OVER. Then I found out later it was written by Shel Silverstein, who was one of my childhood gods, and that made a lot of sense. Also, I love Johnny Cash. He will always hold a special place in my heart. When the line “My name is SUE! How do you DO! Now you’re gonna DIE!” comes on, I yell it out. Really loud. I have no shame in that admission.

Istanbul (Not Constantinople) – They Might be Giants

When I was seventeen, a friend mentioned They Might be Giants to me. I’d never heard of them. He was HORRIFIED and immediately went home and made me a tape of their album Flood. I have never so enjoyed an album someone introduced me to, I don’t think. I listened to that tape over and over. I lost it, eventually. In Europe, actually, when I was traveling. I was heartbroken. It had Flood on one side and I think maybe The Eagles on the other side? Maybe not. I’m foggy on what was on the other side. I listened to mostly Flood anyway. I have, of course, since bought the CD, and a number of other TMBG CDs. And – AND! – seen TMBG live! One of the best concert experiences of my life. It was like I could see little teenage Amy standing beside adult Amy as they were playing. (Side note – it was VERY HARD to choose a single TMBG song that makes me happy. I also love “Birdhouse in Your Soul” and “Your Racist Friend” and “New York City” and “Particle Man” and, hell, well, most everything they do. They are my “I need to be cheered up STAT” band. They never fail.)

Jesse’s Girl – Rick Springfield

Ooh, check out Rick’s hair in that video. That’s a lot of feathering, Rick. Also, WHOA CAPTAIN TIGHTPANTS. No, not Nathan Fillion. ACTUAL tight pants. WAY tight.

I know, this one seems like an odd choice. It’s kind of not even a happy song. It’s about a guy who is longing after his best friend’s girl. But this song makes me IRRATIONALLY HAPPY. And do you know why?

Because Rick Springfield sings the world’s best line ever used in a song in the history of the world.

“I want to tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot.”

The use of the word “moot” in a song makes me so happy every time this song comes on I can’t even contain myself. My old roommate and I used to get SO EXCITED when this came on. We’d be totally quiet and just seat-boppy until THAT LINE. Then, when THAT LINE came on, we’d sing it SO LOUD. “I WANT TO TELL HER THAT I LOVE HER BUT THE POINT IS PROBABLY ***MOOT***!!!!”

I mean, you’ve all heard of a moot point (or, as Joey from Friends would put it, a “moo” point, “yeah, it’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.”) But Rick Springfield turned it AROUND. “The point is probably moot.” In order to make it rhyme with cute. This makes me irrationally happy for really no good reason. I think I just like the word moot. I have a thing for words with double vowels in them.

There. Now you have five songs that, hopefully, will make you just so happy you can’t be in a stompy-stomp mood. So save this post, and the next time life shits all over you, pull it up and listen to some happy music. I mean, you might still be STABBY, but maybe you won’t ACT on it. And that’s what it’s all about, right? Right. Otherwise, my point is probably moot.

Hickman's past as a graphic designer often shows itself

Jonathan Hickman is often found writing for Marvel, but he initially grabbed attention for his original books. I remember picking up Pax Romana a few years ago and being beguiled by the aesthetic and mind-twisting story. His “The Manhattan Projects” takes that same Hickman style and applies it to this latest on-going project.

There are no superheroes here, at least not in the traditional sense. The Manhattan Projects is an alternate history of the development of the atomic bomb, with the twist being that the more public weapons development hides a variety of other super-high technology secret projects. Dr. Oppenheimer is one of our main characters, as should be expected, but his story holds its own special twists and turns and I simply can’t wait to see what happens next.

Dr. Oppenheimer arrives.

I admit the art isn’t quite to my taste on this book, which is odd as I liked the same artist’s work on last year’s Hickman-authored “The Red Wing”. It’s executed well enough, but not in a style I’m particularly fond of, though I do admit I like the way the tech is drawn and the character designs are cool. I think the colors match the style, as does the lettering, so the cohesive whole may have something to do with how I’m viewing it. But now I’m getting a bit geeky and technical. I just know that delving too much into what actually occurs in this issue will blow things for people and I am trying to be good about spoilers while still going “OMG I want to rave about this bit and that bit”.

So I’ll just skip to the next book instead, shall I?

Promo poster for Saga

Brian K. Vaughn wrote “Y: The Last Man” for those who are looking for a handhold on this author’s previous work. He’s written for the Big Two (DC and Marvel) as well as a fair amount of other “creator owned” work. “Saga” is his new on-going title and I am already in love.

Saga falls into the same “OMG I want to rave about this bit and that bit” category. Colors, art, stellar writing, a-mazing new world to float around in, I’ll be in this for the long haul.

Birth is a messy process

The story itself is, in some ways, as old as the hills. Romeo and Juliet, only there is a baby involved and no interfering monk causing miscommunication and death. This R & J are soldiers from opposite sides, and species, of factions that have been at war for longer than anyone really remembers. Sounds basic enough except that she has wings, he has horns, and there is another faction involved who have televisions for heads. Yeah, it’s not exactly like something The Bard would write.

But the story has a crisp edge to it, sharp dialog and sharp storytelling, and all around awesome.

In all, I would highly recommend picking both of these up and giving them a shot. A couple more books to add to the pile of comics that I would hand to someone who said they didn’t like comic books. There are plenty of them out there, enough so that I wonder when people will stop viewing superheroes as the scapegoat for why they don’t read the books.

“Atheism is an attitude, a frame of mind that looks at the world objectively, fearlessly, always trying to understand all things as a part of nature.”  - Carl Sagan

I mentioned in my review of Hardcore Zen that I don’t believe in any sort of god or deity. This isn’t something I really talk about a lot with friends and family, mostly because I believe that everyone has the right to their own beliefs and it can be a deeply personal thing. However, lately I have found myself wanting to talk about it more, out of my own need for self discover. Sharing my words, my beliefs with the world helps me further excavate them in my own mind.

Atheism is, of course, the belief that there is no god or supreme being. I think that the word, somehow carries a negative connotation. It has been my observation that some people think that atheists are very cynical people, and perhaps some of us are. I know I have my own brand of cynicisms towards certain topics. I also get the feeling that, at times, atheists are viewed as sort of cold and unfeeling. I don’t think this is true. Sure, I’m sure there are people out there who have that mentality but being an atheist doesn’t mean you can’t be deeply spiritual as well. Especially after a recent spiritual experience of my own, I felt th need to write down what I believe. Here is what I believe:

I believe in beauty. I believe in nature. I believe in the Universe. I believe in this tiny little rock we live on. I believe our lives on this rock are very very small. I believe there are worlds out there that we have never and may never see. I believe in stardust, that which makes up our entire world. I believe in a web of energy that connects us all. We are all made of the same stuff. We are all connected. To each other. To the world. To the Universe. I seek to understand the world around us. I want to know what makes it tick. I want to better understand our role in this Universe. I believe the most important meaning that life has is the meaning that we give it. I believe in living your life in a way that makes you and the world around you better. I believe it’s important to give your life a significant meaning because that may be the only one it gets. I don’t believe there is someone else up there pulling the strings. I believe we are each in charge of what becomes of our lives. WE make ourselves and our lives what they are. I believe in taking control, harnessing that power, that energy and sharing it with other so that they are able to make their lives better as well.

Atheism may not make sense to everyone but like I said, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and those beliefs are personal and meaningful even if they are not what I believe. Regardless of what you believe, always seek to learn more about the world around you. I think a better understanding of this world and of the people living on it is something that anyone of any faith can use to better themselves.

A venerable Mouse of the Guard

For the first installment of my BACKLOG OF DOOM comic book reading project, I chose Mouse Guard. I made the right decision to use this as a jumping off point!

What a pleasurable read! In the tradition of Usagi Yojimbo (which I have indeed read some of and will be reading more of for a future review), comes this masterfully told tale of the Mouse Guard, protectors of mousekind.

In doing my best to avoid any spoilers on plot, which is deftly written and beautifully drawn, I will say there is a bit of mystery, a bit of adventure, and is definitely a book almost anyone could enjoy. Just a note that young children might not get much out of the book, due to a bit of real violence and a perfectly twisty-turny plot. For everyone else, I encourage you to dig into the first book and don’t stop until you’re done.

Originally published as single comic book issues, the story is still on-going, with the fourth volume currently being published in installments. To keep things simple for this review, I read the first three stories as those are the ones available in collected editions, namely Fall 1152, Winter 1152, and Legends of the Guard.

The Mouse Guard has many heroes

A bit of discussion is in order here as it could appear from the artwork samples that we’re dealing with silly, anthropomorphized animals. While, yes, many of the main characters are mice, as the title might suggest, they are anything but silly. Instead, we have loyalty, depth, and strength in these well-rounded, charming and fully-realized, and very human, characters.

Author and artist David Peterson handles his cast in a way that belies his deep affection for them, and renders them with lovely details and a thoughtful approach to how the little world he has created works without getting ‘worldbuildy’ about the details. And did I mention that the pictures are gorgeous? The imagery starts strong and only gets better. Combining digital with traditional methods (which you can read a bit about on his blog), the whole book has a wonderfully evocative autumnal color palette.

The world itself is full of the stark and wild danger of the forest and set in a time much like our own medieval period. In other words, in the now-familiar time-that-never-was in a place-that-never-existed of many low fantasy tales. Fans of A Song of Ice and Fire will note the lack of sex and crude language, I mean it is an all-ages type of book, but the feeling of the environment is not dissimilar.

For me, David Peterson cannot put out the remaining issues of the fourth volume fast enough. I’m holding off to read it until the lst issue appears as the suspense would just kill me. If that’s not encouragement enough for you to hunt these books down, then I don’t know what will.

The Office
Season 8, Episode 13
“Jury Duty”

In brief: Jim just got back from a week at jury duty, but we find out that he actually was dismissed halfway through the first day and spent the rest of the week helping Pam at home with the kids. Dwight smells a rat, and ferrets out the truth (there are a lot of animal metaphors in there, awesome) and Andy says if Jim is a liar, he’ll fire him, but then he backs down. Of course he does. He’s Andy. The whole office is furious at lying Jim until Pam brings the kids to the office and they act like kids, with screaming and such, and they all send Jim home early because they are horrified at the screamery. Angela had her baby with the gay Senator a month early, so Gabe, Erin, Kevin and Oscar go to the hospital to visit her. Only, the baby is HUGE. And not at all a preemie. And she tells Oscar that she and the gay Senator had sex a month before the wedding. When Dwight shows up (to talk to Gabe about getting Jim fired, before the screamery occurs) and Oscar spills the beans about the non-preemie status, he puts two and two together and gets “Angela and I totally screwed a month before her wedding.” He storms the hospital room and peers at the baby, who he is convinced is a Schrute. This makes him put a daddy and me bumper sticker on his car. THIS WILL NOT GO WELL YOU GUYS.

Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 10

1. Kevin having the “right month, wrong year” in the Angela’s-baby birth pool
2. Kevin thinking it would be hysterical if Angela’s baby was born black
3. Kevin’s inappropriate response to how fat Angela’s baby is (“You didn’t prepare me for this, Oscar!”)
4. Oscar’s glee in Angela’s baby being not premature and the Senator being gay (“I don’t even know which thread to follow!”)
5. Dwight seeing his baby for the first time (“You will lead millions! Willingly, or as slaves.”)
6. Dwight’s comment about being the father of Angela’s baby: “That baby is a Schrute. And unless somebody taught Mose sex, that baby is mine.” (Someone “teaching Mose sex” made me both squirm AND giggle gleefully.)
7. The Senator’s obvious discomfort with breastfeeding
8. Creed thinking Pam was Angela
9. Creed desperate to have baby Philip suck on his finger, and Pam quickly putting the pacifier in his mouth instead
10. Dwight telling the nurse to cancel the circumcision and the nurse saying “We’re…still going to circumcise the baby”

Times I wanted to punch someone: 2

1. Andy, for being SO EFFING BAD AND ANNOYING AT LYING
2. Andy, for saying no one every lied to him before (um, you were engaged? To Angela? Who was sleeping with Dwight at the time? No? Not ringing any bells?)

I kind of liked this episode a lot. As you can tell by how many times it made me laugh. The jury duty thing was not the best (possibly because of my jury duty bitterness, WHY NOT ME COURT SYSTEM), but Dwight being a dad – awesome. I do hope that the show doesn’t forget this all happened. The show has been doing that a lot lately, introducing awesome plotlines and just dropping them completely, which is annoying. What happened, for example, to the horrible social network Ryan invented? Or Dwight’s relationship with Pam’s friend from the wedding? Or the temp’s crush on Jim last week, if we want to be more recent? But if they keep up with it, I think this could be awesome. I always did like Angela and Dwight together.

“Jury Duty,” on the Creed Scale, gets:

Creed flying his roof-helicopter! Good job, guys. “Teaching Mose sex” gets a total thumbs-up.

And on a scale of one to ten Creeds, this episode gets:

Creed smoking a damn HOOKAH. Because that’s how Creed rolls.

Nice job, Office writers! I approve! (Notice there was NO Robert Effing California in this episode? KEEP THAT UP THANKS.)

I understand this is part of what tagging and categories is about, but it has not been as successful as it could be and probably because it is being used in concert with the old system rather than creating something new. And the skeuomorphic way of doing things, while it can look kind of cool if done well, just feels forced.

What is the most intuitive way to organize things on a computer? Or are folders actually intuitive? The interesting thing about the computer is that because it is dealing with information in a non-linear way, we are not held in by the linear constraints of the physical world. We do not have to think of them the same way we think of things in the physical world.

If you are trying to sort a box of apples, the rotten from the good, you can make piles or rows, or sort them into other boxes or bags or some kind of container, but you always do group them. You could, of course, make rows where every other apple is bad, but this would be inefficient for moving the apples around from place to place. So it is with anything physical.

Now, with data on the computer, it can be sorted easily. All data is equally as portable at all times, your hard drive stores the data and sorts it with no real regard to the order you require it. Folders are little more than bookmarks. So, does the container paradigm still apply here? Does it make sense to box things only into one container based on one kind of criteria?

Certainly, it makes it easier to find things from a basic logical perspective. Essays go in the essay folder, photos get grouped by date inside the photos folder. If you need to find all the files that were created on a certain date, some essay, some photo, some not, that is where the search function comes in.

So, is search more powerful than folders? What if you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for?

There is a development going on in the Linux community to replace the menu bar with a search bar. Perhaps I haven’t yet broken down my own expectations about how software is supposed to work, but the idea of using Photoshop without a menu bar seems very challenging. I’m not saying it wouldn’t work, but how would one know what the application is actually capable of doing? Would there be a supplemental menu of possible tasks? Would it involve a related search, based on some similar algorithims or whatever magical juju powers Siri?

I have come up with a lot more questions than answers, haven’t I? What kind of amazing, mind-blowing interface will help us move through our mundane, daily lives a year from now? Ten years? Twenty? I suppose in the end, I’m simply very curious to see how it all pans out.

If you’d like to learn a bit more about all I’ve been babbling about here, you can check out these links:
What will our (future) interfaces feel like?
Introducing the HUD. Say hello to the future of the menu.
The Future of User Interfaces
10 Futuristic User Interfaces

This is totally scientific and all true. WATCH OUT.

I mean, look at that map. HERE BE DRAGONS. You have to take this seriously or your boat’s totally going to be capsized and eaten.

Now, according to this website, which seems totally legit and on the up-and-up and the article was written by someone named “the Firepig” which, come ON, you can’t GET more sciency than that, here are some things that we have to look forward to this year:

Good things will start happening early in the year. BE READY. I’m totally not ready. WHEN AM I SUPPOSED TO START BEING READY. I’m kind of freaked out. Like, how good? Finding a quarter in the laundry room good, or someone will come up to me at the supermarket and tell me they want to hire me to run a small theater company in Italy good? AND AM I READY? Dragon, you are totally making me nervous. I don’t even know how to prepare for this.

Fireworks in love and romance, but nothing serious, as the dragon is fleeting. Even though just two sentences above that it says it’s a good year for engagements or marriages. WHAT THE HELL FIREPIG. So I’m supposed to have fireworks, then I’m supposed to have, what, a breakup? This isn’t sounding like a lot of fun. Breakups are totally the suck. I hate breakups, what with the sadness and the moping and all that sad music you’re supposed to listen to and whatnot. I don’t want that, Dragon. Can I just not have the romance, if it’s inevitably going to lead to the breakup? Can I opt out? Is that an option for me? Hello?

The economy will start to boom and creativity will thrive. Ooh! This is exciting. I like booms and thrivings. Wait, I already got my yearly raise. If the economy starts to boom I’m going to be left behind. Also, I don’t think I could deal with much more creativity. I’m already totally swamped. I’m a busy lady. If I had any more creativity, I think my head would explode. DRAGON! Why must you overload me with things? You are EXHAUSTING me.

At the end, it asks, “Are you ready to fly with the Dragon?!” and although I totally appreciate the interrobang, because you never get enough good interrobangs, really, I don’t think I’m ready to fly with the dragon. Unless it’s Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon. I loved that dragon. So cute, right? I totally wanted to snuggle him. I’d fly on that dragon. But otherwise, I think flying on a dragon would be really stressful. I mean, you might fall off, and then your ears would pop from the changes in air pressure with all those ups and downs, and what if the dragon decided to dive underwater or something and forgot you were on his back, you’d totally drown. And what if the dragon was that creepy-ass Luck Dragon from The Neverending Story? I hated that thing, it was like a furry worm-dog. It looked like it would give you ringworm, and shed all over your pants. NO THANK YOU.

Ugh. Like disgusting vermin, this thing. No thanks.

Could not be cuter and more perplex-y. I'd ride this dragon and ONLY this dragon.

Alright, so the Chinese astrology thing was kind of a bust. What can we learn from George R. R. Martin?

Could I be any more excited for Season Two? No I could not.

We know from Daenerys that “fire cannot kill a dragon” and one of her handmaidens told us that “dragons come from the moon” so really all we know from this is that if dragons come for us we can’t use flamethrowers against them as weapons (and I mean, who would do that, anyway? That’d be stupid. Dragons ARE a flamethrower. That’d be a pointless weapon to use against them) and probably don’t go to the moon or you’ll get eaten by a dragon. HELPFUL.

Listen, we are really not learning a lot about how best to deal with the Year of the Dragon, here, at all, are we.

If you are born this year, your motto, according to Wikipedia which is never, ever wrong is “I reign” (why the hell isn’t this MY motto? OH HOLY HELL YOU GUYS. My motto is “I win.” I’m not even kidding. That’s the best news I’ve had ALL YEAR. I do! Win! I say that ALL THE TIME! And my horoscope backs me up! Yay, year of the Tiger! Winning totally trumps reigning! SUCK ON THAT DRAGON) and you like to eat wheat and poultry so you should probably go eat a turkey sandwich on wheat toast or something. Also, you’re at your best between 7-10am. Who the hell is at their best between 7-10am? Crazy people and perky people, I’d think. No one likes those people, by the way. They’re all “GOOD MORNING” and I want to punch their throats. DIAL IT BACK A NOTCH SUNSHINE.

OK, well, this has been the least helpful. I guess my best advice for dealing with the Year of the Dragon is:

• Be prepared for something to happen that is positive, maybe, or not
• Maybe you will fall in love, or not, and it might be ripped away from you, or not
• Don’t fall off the dragon if you fly on him
• Don’t try to set dragons on fire
• Don’t travel to the moon
• Eat a turkey sandwich

I know I feel better with those guidelines under my belt. HAPPY YEAR OF THE DRAGON EVERYONE!

Sure, I hate dolls, clowns, and people in full costume… but my main fear is kind of an embarrassing one… because it doesn’t make a lot of sense. I also don’t know how to identify it.

So let me tell you what I fear… large propellers, certain parts of ships (mainly the anchor), and certain circumstances surrounding a ship’s condition. Let me detail this one out for you.

I was in the Navy- I don’t FEAR ships… at least not once I’m on them. I can be near them but only if they aren’t dry docked. I can’t even look at a ship in dry dock. I can’t handle a ship in any sort of state unless it’s upright and in the water. It took me an hour to try and look at the Costa Concordia photos because half of them were under the water, looking at the gash in the hull etc. It made me feel panicked and it’s not like I’m even on the same fucking continent.

The Abyss? I almost pass out when the submarine’s props come into view in the water. Titanic sinking? I can’t watch the props rise and I’ve only seen the guy fall and hit them ONCE out of the bajillion times I’ve watched the movie. Fucking James Cameron LOVES propellers. I’m not going to even think about them in 3D.

Here’s a weird one… Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (which should have been, by the way), I can’t watch the part when the propellers are eating the small boat he’s on. I’m hard pressed to think it’s ONLY propellers because any time they show the upside down ship in the Poseidon Adventure, I freak out. In fact… I can’t barely watch the Poseidon Adventure- and forget about the remake when they have to get out of the ship THROUGH the props. Forget. It. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I’ve had a few people just tell it it was Mechanophobia- the fear of large machines… but that’s kind of bullshit because I love the Transformers. I mean- could be fear of large realistic machines I guess… I am not very fond of large tractors, silos or anything you can fall into or under and die horribly… but they don’t cause anxiety.

I like that my phobia’s have conditions. It’s really stupid. I have a picky phobia. I do know that propellers scare me the most- and thankfully they haven’t been showing those in the media in the wake of this Costa Concordia disaster. I hate HATE propellers. I was researching the Britannic sinking back in high school and when I got to the part about the lifeboat being sucked into the propellers I had a full on panic attack in the library- yes LIBRARY. THOSE STILL EXISTED WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. See there doesn’t seem to be a bridge between seeing props in real life, in a book or in a movie… it’s the same reaction. HATE THEM.

So I’ve laid it out for you… the main fear that causes anxiety and actual attacks. See, a fox in a costume I could, in theory, attack and beat the shit out of… but a propeller means business. There’s no fighting a propeller. I mean… what it boils down to is a fear of dying horribly. Dying I can handle… getting chopped up by a big fucking metal blade… not so much.

Yahoo Answers- as usual- is no fucking help. One person stated “think rationally, how could a ship hurt you?”  Well… IDIOT… first off, phobias AREN’T rational. That’s why they are fucking PHOBIAS. Second of all I can give you about a thousand ways a SHIP could hurt me… mainly by my own stupidity but whatever. Third- I’m not afraid of ships- I’m afraid of the idea of ships in any state other than in the fucking water, upright, where they belong.

Someone at my work place stated that phobias come from past life experiences… which I suppose could make more sense. Reincarnated soul of one of those poor Britanic life boat victims, for sure. Mystery solved. I’m just a nut bar.