Category Archives: Media

Permalink to I Caved & Now I’ll Never Get Anything Done

I Caved & Now I’ll Never Get Anything Done

by Erin|on November 29, 2011 |in Geekery, Humor, Video Games |tagged |3 Comments

Does anyone remember when we had a little conversation about how I don’t play video games because things like this happen? No? You weren’t around for that? Basically I talked about how I haven’t played video games since the days of SNES for fear of never doing anything else. Ever.
After a couple of months of talking to Joey and Cara about how online gaming is really fun and it’d be awesome if I got an XBox…I got an XBox.

I ordered it through GameStop’s website on Thanksgiving Day because I wanted to get one cheap and I knew the store would be out of them for a while and I have the patience of a five year old. It got here yesterday. Now, normally, electronics and I have a very tenuous relationship. Most of the time when some fancy new electronic device enters my life I stare at the box for half an hour hoping it will hook itself up. When that doesn’t happen, I call someone else to hook it up for me. It’s not that I can’t do it, it’s just that I get easily frustrated when it doesn’t work the first time. It’s safer for everyone involved if someone with a little more troubleshooting know-how just does it for me.

Yesterday, however, it was just me (and my friend Michael on IM but really just me) and somehow it all got put together properly. I had a minor glitch with a cable but whatever, it works. Then after much cursing at Microsoft I was finally able to sign up for XBox live. I sat back on my couch, put in Fable II, chatted with Joey and Cara in the party chat thing while I played and then … it was four hours later. See guys? This is what I was talking about. I am extremely capable of losing myself in any number of fictional worlds: Books, movies, TV shows. Now there is an entirely new set of options. Expect some reviews/musings on games that you guys all beat two years ago because that’s the sort of stuff I’m playing.

It will be fine. I needed a new outlet and now I have one. And I get to talk to fun people while I do it so that’s awesome. I mean really, if I hadn’t been on the XBox talking to Joey and Cara, I probably wouldn’t have talked out loud to another human the entire night. So really this is IMPROVING my social life/skills. And I have SOME self control. I’ll be fine. Really. I will. But if I don’t tweet or blog for a week, send help.

Permalink to The world is much too interesting to entertain ennui.

The world is much too interesting to entertain ennui.

by Amy|on November 28, 2011 |in Geekery, Media, Music, Pop Culture, Rants |tagged , , , , |3 Comments

This is the place for geekery of all kinds, right? Right. Good. OK, good.

Listen, internet, I am REALLY PISSED AT YOU.

I rely on you, internet, to advise me of things I would love. And usually, you totally come through for me! And, therefore, you have pointed me in the direction of all things geekery, of all varieties, and I love you for it. I would never have picked up The Walking Dead graphic novel series if Cara hadn’t told me I’d love it (and she’s so beyond right it’s insane); I wouldn’t have read/watched A Game of Thrones if it weren’t for the Geek Girls Book Club (and for that, I probably should send flowers or something, because, well, LOVE. And Tyrion. And Jaime. SIGH.)

So internet! You are usually very, very good at pointing me in the direction of the awesome, and if I am all “no no no” yelling at me and saying “AMY YOU JACKASS STOP DIGGING IN YOUR HEELS AND JUST DO IT” and then I do and I’m the first to admit I was being a total donkey.

So why exactly were you hiding the complete and total awesomeness of Marian Call from me for the past four years? Seriously, I want to punch you all in the heads. This is completely unforgivable.

I was having a somewhat innocuous conversation last night, and as conversations do, it meandered around and over and through, like Harold’s purple crayon, and then it was about avocados (which I love, doesn’t everyone? I mean, unless you’re broken or something) and he told me that avocados only last for one day (which, listen, that’s totally flawed, because who leaves LEFTOVER avocados? I couldn’t not eat a whole avocado if you tied my HANDS behind my back, I’d chow that damn thing with my FACE) and he said, “you know, like in the Marian Call song” and I was all “I don’t know who that is.”

Listen, this isn’t out of the ordinary for me. I am a music heathen. I am a music raised-by-wolves-baby. I know showtunes, classic rock, late 80s/early 90s top-40 music, a few selected musicians I am obsessed with, and the things they play a lot on my favorite radio station. Oh, and more country music than I should. Don’t judge me.

Anyway, apparently it was a surprise that I didn’t know who that was (I KNOW, raised by WOLVES, sorry, SORRY) so he showed me where to listen to some of her music so I could see if I liked it.

ZOMG INTERNET I AM SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW.

Seriously, not a single one of you thought maybe, MAYBE, I might be interested in KNOWING that there is an ALBUM based on FIREFLY? I mean, I suppose some of you might have thought that I already knew who she was, so why tell me something I already know. Fine. Those of you who thought that? YOU ARE SORT OF FORGIVEN. The rest of you? What the hell is WRONG with you. You do NOT win. NOT AT ALL. Because when I checked her Twitter account you were ALL ALREADY FOLLOWING HER. You are all AWESOMENESS HOARDERS.

So here. HERE. Because I believe in sharing things when they are so amazing they bring tears to my eyes, HERE.

Marian Call is completely awesome.

First, with no prior knowledge at all, look at the gorgeousness!

You know my total and complete ginger obsession, right? Right. Rawr.

Anyway. ANYWAY. So, Marian Call is a Stanford graduate – listen, they don’t let just any yahoo do that! – and a self-proclaimed geek girl. This makes me love her. I’m kind of easily won over when it comes to my tribe. She wrote a post on her blog recently about it. Quotes that made me happy:

“I quickly learned not to bring up the things I loved, or how much I loved them, around other girls.  I definitely learned how uncool it was to like my homework and my teachers and computers.”

“I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to find you belong to a community when you thought you were alone.”

“By joining the ‘geek’ community I have met female friends who enjoy what I enjoy, and who had childhood experiences like mine.  I’ve also met plenty of awesome women who were unafraid to be themselves all along, who boast about their accomplishments and their nerdiness, and I admire the heck out of them.  Geek girls are nothing new, but our openness about it is.”

OK, are you in love yet? I know you are. AND YOU HAVEN’T EVEN HEARD THE MUSIC YET.

So on her 2008 album Got to Fly, which is inspired by Firefly and Battlestar Galactica (I know, right? You people thought you were SO CLEVER hiding all this awesome from me, I’m pretty much never forgiving you for this, just so you know) there are some gorgeous songs (like “Don’t Try,” “Dark Dark Eyes,” and “Vera Flew the Coop”) and fun songs and then there is the entire song that they sang in honor of Jayne in episode 7 of Firefly, “Jaynestown.” You know what I mean, right? The whole “it’s good to have Jayne on your side” song? IT’S ON THE ALBUM. No, I’m NOT kidding. Why would I kid about something like that? Here. You can listen to it. Here’s a link. Listen, listen. It made me so happy I had tears. Seriously, you guys. Complete tears of happy geekery. Also? There’s a song on this album titled – again? Totally without an OUNCE of kidding – “I’ll Still be a Geek After Nobody Thinks it’s Chic (The Nerd Anthem).” I…you…how didn’t I…I am…dead. Dead.

Also, her voice is really beautiful and luminous and haunting, and she seems to be having a wonderful time, and I’ve been doing nothing but listening to her on repeat since I found out she existed THANK YOU VERY MUCH because I have years to make UP for that I could have been listening. I am so in a huff right now.

So here’s the recap. You all totally suck, because for SOME reason, you were HIDING the awesome from me. The person who TOLD me about her is the only person I am not TOTALLY THE MOST MAD AT RIGHT NOW. Also, just a heads-up, he got all the points, and he won music? And that’s a hard one to win. Like, I often tell people they’ve won the internet, so that’s a fairly easy one to win. But he won MUSIC, you guys. I bet you feel pretty stupid right now. You could have won MUSIC. So keep that in mind the next time you want to hoard awesome! I might give you a PRIZE!

Also, added photo. Because, seriously, how can you resist this? She is wonderful, you guys. WONDERFUL.

(In case you want to do what any sane person should do and own some of her music for your very own: go here, follow directions. Easy as pie. You will love.)

Permalink to Review: The Walking Dead Rocks- and You’re Ugly.

Review: The Walking Dead Rocks- and You’re Ugly.

by Cara|on November 28, 2011 |in Comic Books, Television |tagged , , , , , |5 Comments

Season Two Spoilers:

If I had known the world was ending, I would have brought better books. -Dale

You know what I love the most in literature and cinema? Character development. It almost infuriates me when a good concept has none. Remember that guy who directed the 6th Sense? Yeah I won’t even speak his name anymore for what he did to the Last Airbender series… that’s how much I love character development- I think it’s a borderline sin to deprive people of it.

With this being said, sometimes shit gets a little boring when we develop characters. But I didn’t understand all of the bitches and complaints people were launching against the Walking Dead and its “slow” start to the second season.

Apparently the mindless masses just wanted zombies to horde rush and rage on our survivors for seven episodes… give us action and explosions- say, is Michael Bay available to direct? Give me a break… I realize a large part of the fan boys were upset about Darabont’s departure (as was I) but that didn’t mean I was going to go into the second season wanting to hate it.

The complaints I saw from facebook and twitter friends summed up to “oh my god this season is SO slow!” “where are all the zombies?!?!” and “six episodes of looking for a little girl?!”

Yeah… it’s called building drama, decent plot lines and character development. It’s like everyone forgets they should be challenged and watch a good show for once. First off I didn’t get the complaint that there weren’t enough zombies… there were… it was just spread out. They interacted with zombies in every episode- it just wasn’t Atlanta where the undead masses congregate like Westboro Baptist Church, ready to eat you (and your heathen ways).

Too slow? I suppose breaking into a Walker infested school, getting cornered, running, shooting a perfectly cool jolly fat dude to get away is way slow… Carl got shot, Sophia got lost and went all zombie, Daryl found himself (and got shot), Carol was sadsies and doing laundry, Andrea bounced back and forth between total idiot and semi useful armed chick who doesn’t want to be babysat, Shane and Andrea got it on, Dale got jelly of Shane, Lori found out she was pregnant, tried to ghetto abort that shit before Rick found out, Rick found out anyway (by the way Glenn can’t keep a secret to save his ass), realized she had a thing with Shane- who was like “lolz that baby is totes mine,” T-Dog was hanging out- being black and stuff, Hershel was hiding a ton of zombies in his barn, and Glen got laid… like twice! AND made a Portal reference! Fuck… what more did you want? Iron man to blast in and save the day? Actually that would have been cool…

Third- the little girl… yeah… I was a little irritated that no one could find her but then I realized what they were doing. They were building up to something- and since I’m a graphic novel reader and knew what the fuck was in the barn- I figured the writers were up to no good. Drama. You have to build it up. Takes awhile but as you can CLEARLY see, in the end it’s worth it.

I knew the writers wouldn’t make the barn scene go as it did in the comic- first off Hershel has a shit ton more kids and half of his children get bitten in the barn scene (because the zombies aren’t let out- they break out)… not only that but Hershel forces himself to kill them once he realizes they are bitten… not exactly fitted for television but what would be the next best thing? Let’s put this kid they’ve been looking for this WHOLE time in there… that’ll teach our fans not to fucking doubt us. Walking Dead 1 – Negative Nancy Fans 0 » by the way… admit you cried at the end of last night’s episode.

Yes I’m invested in this show because I love zombies, I’ve read the comics and I love anything AMC puts out. I don’t hold it up to shows like Breaking Bad because it’s NOT Breaking Bad. Totally different… unless Shane and Carl start a meth lab out of their new barn… which judging from Shane’s Neo Nazi makeover could very well happen.

Bottom line is this show is fucking amazing. For what it’s worth, it’s well written, I like all the characters because I can complain, talk, discuss about ALL of them. like when John decides to voice Shane… tearing up the trailer “Where the hell are my Fruit Loops?!?! Raaawwrrr!”

Today’s water cooler discussion is about how Rick is getting great at shooting little girls in the face (with a GUN, pervs!), and Shane spent the entire episode pacing around the barn like a deranged lunatic and Lori is still an idiot… I enjoy discussing this show but I need you to come at me with more than “it’s too slow.” Because that’s a stupid statement and you should expand your mind beyond that… Rick battles with morality every day, Shane is on a downward spiral into becoming the darkest character and the rest of them have purpose, story lines, interesting personalities (not all great- but all interesting)… etc. See beyond the zombies, people… this show’s main focus isn’t a zombie apocalypse… it’s about humanity.

I can’t wait for February.

Permalink to The Office recap, Season 8, Episode 8, “Gettysburg”

The Office recap, Season 8, Episode 8, “Gettysburg”

by Amy|on November 27, 2011 |in Humor, Media, Pop Culture, Television |tagged , , , , |Leave a comment

Time for another Office recap! Which isn’t so much a “recap” as it is “rambling on almost incoherently and it’s really a good thing that you like me, otherwise you’d probably tune out completely, what’s that, you already did, well screw you, buddy?”

The Office
Season 8, Episode 8
“Gettysburg”

In brief: Andy, because he’s a big weird weirdo and no one ever seems to do any work in this office, like, ever, decides to take the office on a field trip to Gettysburg to teach them that selling paper is like a war. Only half of the office wants to go, and the half that stays behind is surprised by a visit from Robert California, who wants them to give him presentations on “game changers” in the paper industry while he sits in the back sneering. The winner of the presentations = Kevin. Yeah. I know. At Gettysburg, Andy dorbs around and makes everyone walk like a zillion miles; Gabe does a reenactment of the life of Lincoln for some really stupid tourists; and Dwight finds out the truth of the “Battle of Schrute Farms” that he’s been making up stories about.

Again, awesome recaplet, right? I kind of rule.

Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 7

  1. Andy, “I paid $200 for this flag!” Jim, “ONLY $200?” (deadpan at camera)
  2. Phyllis’s recitation of the things she had for breakfast (my kind of woman, Phyllis)
  3. The way Ryan said “origami” (but only because it reminded me of the way Ross said “karate” in Friends. Oh, and bee tee dubs, I was reading some website that called Friends “F.R.I.E.N.D.S.” What? It’s like The Man from U.N.C.L.E. Whatever could it STAND for? I laughed for like an HOUR.)
  4. Dwight’s horror at the true story of Schrute farms (and Oscar’s glee, and the accompanying documentary with the naked people with the naughty bits blurred out)
  5. Erin screaming irrationally when Dwight and Oscar were arguing over Schrute Farms
  6. Jim saying that he was pretty sure the hat meant something sexual
  7. Kevin saying “YES I AM AN ACCOUNTANT” like he was as moron robot

Times I wanted to punch someone: 4

  1. Again, effing Robert California, seriously.
  2. Ryan annoys me more every week. I liked him more when he was snarky/coked up. Now he’s just sad.
  3. Gabe’s Lincoln reenactment could have been funny. But like everything else Gabe does, it was sad and pathetic.
  4. Really, Pam? Pretending to go into labor isn’t at all douchey.

This was…um, how can I be nice. What’s that? I’m very rarely nice, why start now? FINE. This was not a good episode. It was really very stupid, other than the few funny moments mentioned above. I watched Community and Parks and Rec immediately after and they were awesome. COME ON OFFICE. This is EMBARRASSING.

Pam’s pregnancy = boring. Have that goddamn baby, Pam. God. What are you gestating in there, an…um…elephant…shit, I have no idea what animal takes a long time to gestate. What? I could use Google? FINE. Google says the funny thing to put in there would have been “shark,” which can take up to 42 months. WHAT? Good gravy, no wonder they’re so bitey.

Andy’s constant self-doubt = also boring. I mean, is he great at his job? Probably not. But if he SAT DOWN AND DID HIS JOB, he might do a better job at it than if he was all running around the state Gettysburging and getting tattoos on his ass.

Robert California sucks more every week; make it stop. Gabe sucks; make it stop.

Things there can be more of: shots of Jim, because he is pretty; Dwight being a crazy person (or seductive, which somehow is really sexy? I know, it’s odd!); Erin being crazy; and Creed. THERE CAN NEVER BE ENOUGH CREED.

“Gettysburg,” on the Creed Scale, gets:

A CREED BOBBLEHEAD. I saw him ONCE. On the BUS. CHANTING. It was PATHETIC. This doesn’t even merit a real Creed picture.

And on a scale of one to ten Creeds, this episode gets:

CREED PEERING AVIDLY AT A FISH.

Listen, this episode doesn’t deserve even ONE Creed, but I like this photo. And who’s writing this recap? Shut it, peanut gallery.

Permalink to Recap: Revenge, Season One, Episode Eight, “Treachery”

Recap: Revenge, Season One, Episode Eight, “Treachery”

by Amy|on November 22, 2011 |in Humor, Pop Culture, Television |tagged , , , , , |Leave a comment

So, on top of recapping The Office, which I think we can all agree I do admirably (WE AGREE SHUT UP) I am ALSO recapping Revenge. Why? Because it is AWESOMESAUCE.

Yes, yes. It’s mid-season. So you kind of have to come into this with prior knowledge. But if you’re not watching this, you’re missing out. It’s soapsuddy heaven, this show. So much scenery-chewing! So many bitchface looks! So much schemery! And…NOLAN.

Listen. LISTEN. I am in love with Gabriel Mann as Nolan in this show. Which is SO ODD. Because he is kind of exactly the opposite of everything I am usually attracted to, at least physically, in an actor. Too skinny! Too (or at all, because usually, no thanks!) blonde! The only explanation I have, I think, is that he’s like a marginalized lonely nerd and my heart hurts for him. And he’s bi, which I have a weird soft spot for. I don’t know. Leave my love for Nolan alone.

So here, I’ll slightly catch you up, in case you’re not caught up. But catch YOURSELF up. This show is cuckoo-bananas, and also fun and awesome.

Amanda and her father summered in the Hamptons when she was a young’un. He was some sort of a fancy rich guy. I could research what kind but I’m feeling lazy. Do a little legwork, yahoos. All of a sudden for some reason all the other rich people framed him for terrorism and he went to prison for life and Amanda was sent to a juvenile detention home until she came of age. When she was released, Nolan met her outside. Her father gave Nolan startup money to start his computer business, and Nolan is a super-rich guy now, and very loyal to Amanda since her daddy was the only one who believed in him. Aw. He informs her that her daddy died in prison (cue the “Coward of the County”) and that she is now mega-rich. He gives her a box in which her daddy put all kinds of info proving his innocence. Suddenly! A few years later, Amanda shows up in the Hamptons! Only her name is EMILY now. And she is ready, willing, and bitch-facedly able to take down each and every one of the people who framed dear old dad.

SO! Without further ado! Also, listen, I am totally not recapping this like I should. If you want a real recap, there are a million places that will do that for you. I’m just going to ramble. So probably I shouldn’t call this a recap? I know. Sorry. Bait & switch.

Revenge
Season One, Episode Eight
“Treachery”

So last week, we found out that Emily stole her identity from a girl in juvie, the REAL Emily Thorne. Who is now going by the name Amanda, because they pulled a switcheroonie. I KNOW THIS IS TOTALLY CONFUSING. It’s not if you watch it, but it is if you try to type it out. So let’s call the Emily the show’s about Emily, and the one she stole her identity from Whorebag, because that’s what she is. BECAUSE SHE IS NOT AT ALL CHARMED BY NOLAN.

So Whorebag shows up at Emily’s, because she murdered Frank, who had tracked her down. I’m not going to explain who all of these people are to you. It is TOO MUCH EXPLAINING.

Frank is a detective sort of person. ANYWAY. I was so pissed they killed Frank? Because Frank was totally my secret boyfriend. Ginger! He was a badass ginger! I mean, he wasn’t NOLAN (whenever I say Nolan I feel like the name should have little stars around it or something) but he was pretty eye candy. Wait, let’s stalk that actor. OK, he’s Maximilian Martini (aw, that couldn’t be cuter!) and he’s only FIVE YEARS OLDER THAN ME YO, and he’s from WOODSTOCK. I’m pretty sure we’re destined to be. Oh, shit, married. Whatever, back to Nolan. ANYWAY.

So Emily is OBVS totally all “what the eff?” about the Whorebag showing up because Emily is very DIY and doesn’t need any help ever except when she needs all the help. So of COURSE she goes to Nolan’s and is all curtly “here take care of this whorebag and also photoshop me out of this very incriminating photo that can prove I am not who I say I am DO IT NOW NOLAN. No you don’t need to know who she is.” Why does Nolan put up with this garbage? It’s off-putting. NOLAN! When you and I fall in love I will not talk to you like you are a big bag of stupid. I promise.

Lydia is awake after she fell off the top of like a fifty floor building, you know, like you are, without a single bruise, so of COURSE Victoria and Conrad have her recuperate and regain her memory at their house. OF COURSE THEY DO. I mean, yes, yes, you want someone who has lost their memory and thinks you tried to have them killed and might REGAIN their memory and then implicate you in ALL the crimes close, probably, but it just seemed very stupid and also annoying.

Charlotte spent the night at the Stowaway. And Declan, with his stupid marble-mouthed BAWWWWSTON accent, you know, like you have in the Hamptons, implies that they did the deed. Then he flat out says they didn’t. Way to commit, Declan. Also, at this point I was all, “HOW OLD ARE THESE CHILDREN I FEEL LIKE THIS IS TOTALLY PERVY” until Declan’s all, “We-ah seventeen, Jaaaaack” like he’s a longshoreman with that effing horrendous accent, is he ADOPTED, his BROTHER and FATHER don’t talk like that, also, he doesn’t talk like that on Gossip Girl so I know it’s not the actor, what the HELL, and then I thought, ok, well, I guess seventeen’s kind of normal for your spring awakening and all, but these kids look like they’re twelve and I AM SO OLD. So Declan wants to borrow the boat so he can raid Charlotte, Tea-Party style, the next night. Since Jack had a fight with Nolan, he’s all, “Duh, I dunno, Declan old buddy old chum” but says he’ll talk to Nolan and see if he can borrow the boat for all the sexy pre-adolescent lovemaking. *shudder*

Effing Tyler and effing Ashley are all “we are SO DIGRUNTLED because we are SO POOR” so I think they’re hatching some sort of plan to get the better of the richie-riches. Unfortunately, Emily is one of them now, and her BFF forevs Ashley is hating on her due to getting the hot beef injection of stupidity from effing Tyler.

Jack goes over to Nolan’s house (squee!) but Nolan isn’t home (ugh, un-squee) and the Whorebag is there. The Whorebag remembers Jack from all the talking about him Emily did at juvie, so she’s all slutting it up around him in her borrowed Nolan-bikini (seriously, he had a room of guest-bikinis. I LOVE NOLAN. He’s planned for every eventuality) and Jack’s all “I…uh…ah-duh…I feel a connection with you.” She won’t tell him her name, but DUDE when he finds out it’s Amanda, and he thinks it’s HIS Amanda that he named his stupid boat after he’s totally going to give her his flower. He doesn’t get the boat, so Declan has to try to get it on in the back room of the bar, but Charlotte just wants to talk. Yep. Nice, Charlotte. All seventeen-year-old boys want to talk about how your family’s going through transition. Winner: Charlotte’s virtue! Except she gave that away to that rich douchebag earlier in the season! So…loser: Bawston Declan!

Emily gets SO MAD OMG that Whorebag is sniffing up Jack’s butt so she gets her a new identity and tries to send her to Paris, but Whorebag for some reason starts peeping in windows, sees Emily grinding up on Daniel, and this upsets her enough that she decides to stay. I’m not sure if it’s because she wants to be the one grinding on Emily, or because she wants Emily’s life, or because she wants Jack, or because she wants more free Nolan-bikinis. The actress playing the Whorebag isn’t very emotive. Also, we see a scene where the warden from juvie gives baby Emily advice on how to become friends with baby Whorebag to use her for whatever she needs her for, then get rid of her when she’s done with her. That juvie-warden was NEFARIOUS. I want to know why she took such an interest in baby Emily.

Nolan (who has this whole, “YOU SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT I AM NOT A STUPID PERSON!” speech that had me howling) figures out that the Whorebag killed Frank. How? Frank’s wallet FALLS OUT OF THE WHOREBAG’S PANTS. Yeah. Nice one, Whorebag. So he’s more in the know. Yet still all, “Yes, Emily, whatever you say, Emily.” I’m glad we saw him in the flash-forward in the first episode, because if we hadn’t, I’d think Emily would have him killed because he knows too much.

Victoria sends the cops to Emily’s on the suspicion that Emily is a dirty liar that lies, but, as she IS a dirty liar that lies, she spins a tale that has the cops all “Aw poor thing” and Daniel too, so now everyone thinks she’s a childhood abuse victim. Daniel cuts ties with Victoria and moves in with Emily. So my question is, IS Emily getting feelings for this poor stupid drunken sap? Or it’s all part of the game? I don’t know that I could continue to screw someone I hated that much, honestly. Just go lick Nolan, or something. He’s far superior. Sheesh. Anyway, I assume WE’RE to assume that Emily’s just using Daniel like she’s using the Whorebag, but I don’t know. I think we’re also supposed to think that Daniel and Jack are hotties. I do not think so. I think Daniel’s too short and Jack seems stupid. And that Declan seems prepubescent. Thank you, casting directors, for Nolan.

So there. That’s recappy, right? And if you’re a regular watcher, you’re all, yes yes yes, Amy! Best recap! And if you’re NOT, you’re all, I WANT TO WATCH THIS NOW AMY. I know. I KNOW. I’m amazing like that. If I told you to jump off a bridge, you might. I won’t, though. I like you too much.

Next time – EMILY TOTALLY MAKES THE BIGGEST BITCHFACE YET! You don’t want to miss that. It’ll be the bomb, yo.

Permalink to How Sparkly Vampires Lost Me a Friend (With a Little Help From my Big Old Mouth)

How Sparkly Vampires Lost Me a Friend (With a Little Help From my Big Old Mouth)

by Amy|on November 20, 2011 |in Books, Humor, Media, Movies, Pop Culture, Rants |tagged , , , , , , , , |Leave a comment

This apple is suing for defamation of character.

Dear Jay*:

Listen, I am really sorry.

Two years ago, you sent me a birthday email. Which was really, really nice. I mean, who still does that in this day and age? You probably just wanted to post on my Facebook wall and have done with it, but I didn’t have Facebook yet then, because I was afraid of the internet. So you took the time out of your day to send me an email, and we hadn’t seen each other in seven years. THAT WAS SO NICE JAY.

It’s not YOUR fault that you, in the course of your email, lightly threw in a sentence that set me off into a burning rage.

“Is it wrong that I started reading Twilight? Or is more wrong that I actually like it?”

Then, THEN, Jay, you followed that with “Did you ever see Let the Right One In? It’s like the Swedish version of Twilight.”

I was thinking the other day, hmm, I haven’t heard from Jay recently, I wonder why? And then I realized I could trace the slow, gradual decent of our friendship to the email response I sent to your very, very nice birthday wishes two years ago. Oh, Jay. Listen, I am really SO SORRY.

I probably shouldn’t have responded to an email full of birthday wishes with a paragraph that was about three pages long, in Word. I know. I’m sorry. And it probably shouldn’t have contained some of the following phrases:

“Well, no, it’s not WRONG that you’re reading Twilight - wait, you’re not a 12-year-old girl! It IS wrong!”

“These books are very sexist. You do understand what the term sexist means, right? If you need a definition, keep reading Twilight.”

“Bella CONSTANTLY needing to be rescued by a man, be it her father, Edward, or Jacob – gets very tiresome. Like, it gives me NARCOLEPSY, it’s so tiresome. I’m asleep right NOW, thinking of it, as a matter of fact.”

“Also, these books are so poorly written that it’s like they gave a sixth-grader a gel pen and a bunch of loose-leaf paper and told her to get cracking. Try to diagram one of her sentences, Jay. TRY. You CAN’T. They run on for PAGES. She not only avoids the rules of grammar, she sees them coming and runs away, screaming, as if they are a STREET GANG.”

“The thing that bothers me the most about them is that little girls are reading them and think that Edward is the kind of guy they want someday, and Edward is as mentioned above, really pretty sexist. And Bella’s a twit. So do they think that they need to lose their brain somewhere and look for a sexist asshole? This worries me.”

“If I wanted someone to tell me sex outside of marriage was bad, I’d go back to church, STEPHENIE MEYER you JUDGMENTAL MORON.”

“And why the fuck does Edward sparkle in sunlight like a glitter-wearing club rat? Vampires don’t SPARKLE. They BITE YOU. And then you are DEAD. Or maybe UNDEAD. But there is no SPARKLING.”

“Please for the love of all that’s holy tell me you didn’t compare Let the Right One In to Twilight. Please tell me I’m dreaming. Am I dreaming, Jay? I am. I am, right? It’s the narcolepsy? THEY ARE NOT THE SAME AT ALL. Except for vampires. That’s like comparing an El Camino and a ’57 Chevy. They both get you where you need to go, only one does it in style, and the other HAS A FUCKING SPARKLY VAMPIRE WHO MOPES AND ACTS LIKE AN OVERPROTECTIVE DOUCHECANOE.”

Oh, Jay. Listen, in re-reading this email (wow, Gmail, thanks for saving things going that far back, so a person can see how badly they behaved) I really kind of overreacted considering you were just sending me a birthday greeting. And we really haven’t been in touch much since.

I’m totally sorry I’m an asshole.

Except I’m right, obviously. On every single count.

Love, Amy.

*not your real name. Which, obviously, YOU are aware of. But it seemed totally asshatty to use your real name without permission? And I didn’t want to ask permission. Because what if you said no? You would have. I mean, this post is not very nice. So I gave you an alias. YOU’RE WELCOME JAY.

Permalink to Dracula vs. Edward

Dracula vs. Edward

by Jennifer|on November 19, 2011 |in Books, Movies |tagged , , |Leave a comment

About 20 years ago, (yes, go ahead, do the math) I wrote a high school term paper on Dracula, outlining the inherent symbolism of the tale. Turns out most of it was about OMGSEX. As I was re-reading it for this post, (yes, I still have the rough draft and all my notes) I realized that the seeds of Dracula and Twilight have a lot more to do with each other than it might first seem possible. It’s actually kind of interesting, if you’ll bear with me.

This post is his fault

In one corner we have Bram Stoker. A strict Protestant, he was wandering around during the Victorian era, well known for its repressive atmosphere. His wife was ‘frigid’, as they said back then, refusing his bed after their first, and only, child was born. A theater manager, hobnobbing with Oscar Wilde, Stoker turned to more adventurous women when his own bed grew cold. At the time Dracula was published, he contracted syphilis.

In the other corner, we have Stephenie Meyer. While she resides in a time when much of society is considerably more free in their ideas of sex than the Victorians, Ms. Meyer is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Mormons, too, have a strict moral code that many see as repressive, especially in regards to women and sexual practices outside of marriage.

It's kinda her fault, too

With such similar moralistic backgrounds, it actually comes as little surprise that these two authors were both drawn to write about vampires. For Stoker, there was almost no precedent for his work. Instead, he was drawn to various scattered myths, gathering them to create the modern view of vampires. Meyer, too, combined several alternate versions of vampires into her own creations, but the fact that they both chose these blood-sucking creatures of the night is quite telling.

And now I’ll get to the more juicy stuff, as it were. I know this is what you’ve been waiting for.

According to critics, “[Dracula's] appeal derives from its images of murder, exploitation, necrophilia, sadism, chauvinism, and oral sex.” Examples of this can be seen throughout the book.

Necrophilia is on display quite plainly in the beguiling nature of both Dracula and his lamia wives, all quite dead, despite their animated facade. Chauvinism is expected in a book of this time, of course, but the men in the book are particularly dismissive of a woman’s place in doing anything except being pure, chaste wives. And the oral sex? Last time I checked, there was a whole lot of sucking going on, with blood standing in for ‘other’ fluids and the dental penetration standing in for, well, you know.

Ooooh. Glittering eyes

As for the characters themselves, the mortal men are, for the most part, faceless stand-ins for Stoker himself, all sharing the same views on women, and proceeding with their vampire hunt with little argument amongst themselves as to procedure, etc., so I’m going to focus here on Dracula and the mortal women in the tale.

Dracula is our classic Victorian rake. Rich, entrancing, and possessed of a “glittering eye”, women “fall” by being associated with him, succumbing to his spell. When his condition is passed on to them, these women become outcast from society, in this case “outcast” means becoming one of the undead. For example, the beautiful, pure, and sweet Lucy Westenra becomes a seductive predator of little children after she dies and rises as a vampire. She requires her noble suitors to kill her and free her soul.

He only had eyes for Mina

Our rake has his eyes truly set on Mina Harker, though, who seems completely incapable of caring for herself, requiring a bevvy of men to look after her as well. She even asks them to kill her rather than let her become a vampire. Unlike so many strong women in literature who gather the courage to take their own lives when faced with a fate worse than death, Mina depends on the men’s strength.

If we take these ideas, these characters, and bring them to the modern era, we most definitely arrive at Twilight. Let me explain.

For Edward, Bella is his Mina, the irresistible girl who is so unable to take care of herself that she needs men to support her. In other words, easy prey. Her frailty manifested in an inability to walk a flight of stairs without tripping over her own two feet, Bella is held up as chaste and beautiful, with her own band of suitors, here in the form of werewolves, ready to protect her from the evil vampires.

Yet Bella is drawn to Edward, nonetheless. Where she is weak, she clings to his strength, pulled in by what the glittering skin, rather than eye, of this particular brand of vampirism. A rake is still a rake, no matter how he glitters, and some girls can’t resist the bad boys. In Bella’s case, her weakness are thrown into even greater relief and she appears even weaker in the face of Edward’s strength and desire. She is completely and utterly at his mercy, so much so that when he leaves her for a time, she becomes a shell of a thing, mirroring Lucy’s draining strength as Dracula feeds on her.

Ooooh the danger

As for Edward himself, we find a slightly more compelling character. While we are surely dealing with the “older man, younger woman” scenario, his blood-lust remains at war with the moral code of the time he was born in and is fairly blatant symbolism for the war within himself between that same code and the sexual lust felt by the young man he was before being “turned”. He does not want Bella to become a vampire, thereby destroying the purity she has in various flavors. It is this inner conflict that separates him from his Gothic counterpart, as well as from his contemporaries at Forks High School.

Because I know I’ve gotten a bit long-winded here, I will sum all of this up with a few simple observations. For me, vampires symbolize sex in all its various incarnations, and in reading any story centered on the undead, I simply cannot help but wonder about the author’s own feelings on the subject and how it influenced their writing. Following that train of thought and knowing something of Stephenie Meyer’s religious beliefs, I cannot help but conclude that, much like Stoker, the restrictive nature of her own moral compass compressed her unexpressed feelings to the point where they were forced to find outlet in the dream of Edward that was the genesis for her series of novels.

And on a final note, having made the connection between oral sex and the bite of a vampire, between necrophilia and the undead nature of the vampire itself, I can’t help but wonder what is up with The Cullens and their justifications in sucking the blood of animals instead of humans. I’m just sayin’.

Permalink to Ten Totally Random Movie/Book Men To Obsess Over Before Edward Cullen.

Ten Totally Random Movie/Book Men To Obsess Over
Before Edward Cullen.

by Cara|on November 18, 2011 |in Books, Movies, Pop Culture |tagged , , , , , , , , , |Leave a comment

In light of the Breaking Dawn craze… and witnessing so much cray cray in grown ass women dress in a fucking wedding dress for the opening of this movie… I decided to compile a list of men… flawed in literature and cinema and their stories are more believable than a hundred year old vampire falling for a stupid teenager. I suggest obsessing over these men before you make a goddamn fool of yourself wishing for the love of the broody Edward Cullen… come on ladies, I know you love him and his “ultra mysterious vampire vibe” but it seems a lot of you have forgotten some of the ultimate bad asses who leave this guy in the dust… so here’s your reminder.

 

10. Peeta Mellark (the Hunger Games): this kid is dumb as lobster bait yet I’d still gladly stand outside his family’s shitty bakery, covered in soot, giggling and waving like an idiot. While you should forget the second and third book ever existed- the Hunger Games is pretty darn amazing… Peeta’s story is a precious albeit sappy and unoriginal one but I still can’t help but swoon over his relationshit. I want to tear my hair out every time Katniss and Peeta interact then push each other away- because it’s like every other high school dramedy you’ve come across- if your high school was a battle field of aggravated assault… oh and you may or may not have to try and murder each other- whatevs… still much more healthy than the emotional abuse our dear Edward bestows upon the willing damp mop that is Bella Swan.

 

 

9. Sherlock Holmes: given the plethora of dreamy eyed man-candy that has played this epic eccentric character- you’d think it would be a sure bet that Sherlock Holmes could slap the shit out of Edward Cullen, laugh sarcastically then prove that vampires don’t really exist… Do you like role play? Holmes is the master of disguise. How about intelligence? Holmes uses logical reasoning to solve crime! Do you dig sidekicks? He’s got a great one. Do you like ultra hot Robert Downey Jr? He PLAYS him in one of the movies. He also has the skills… martial arts, swords, canes, his goddamn fists, and he’s been known to use a riding crop to disarm people. Remember how I said this guy is ripe with intelligence? Yeah I meant it- he’s pretty decent with sensational literature, philosophy, astronomy, politics (okay that one might be a lie), chemistry, and he plays the violin. Guinness World Records has consistently listed Sherlock Holmes as the “most portrayed movie character” with 75 actors playing the part in over 211 films…

 

8. Wesley (The Princess Bride): What’s not to fucking LOVE about the greatest love story every told? You want someone pining for you? How about blond haired, dreamy-eyed Wesley? Who is both a sensitive farm boy and bad ass pirate. Best thing about him? He’ll always come back from the dead and save you before you have to marry that slime ball prince… drop your sword, mother f*cker. If you haven’t spent over a quarter of your life obsessing over this movie, quoting every line and wishing you had a grandpa half as cool as Columbo then you’re really missing something. Wesley is just the very top of an array of awesome men to swoon over in this story- even the Sicilian is less of a mental terrorist than Edward… and everyone knows you never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

 

 

7. Patrick Batman Bateman (American Psycho): because let’s face it- even on his worst of days- dear old Pat is hella less creepy than Edward. Sure he may kill you- that’s only half the fun… but at least when HE sneaks into your room at night to watch you sleep there’s a definite (and final) reason behind it… not a wishy-washy pervy ulterior motive. Patrick Bateman loves you in pieces (© Erin). Since you’re already pining after a killer- I figured I’d point you in the direction of a much cooler one. Pat won’t take any of your whiny bullshit either… but instead of leaving you alone in the woods among wolves- he has the common decency to end your misery in a nice apartment- in comfort. He also would never impregnate you with a demon baby… I don’t think.

 

 

6. Kyle Reese (Terminator): can you name anything more romantic than falling in love with a girl in a photograph and traveling back in time to protect the girl in said photograph from an evil murderous robot? I DON’T THINK SO! Can you think of a better story than said couple bringing a son into the world who will lead the resistance against a globally devastating mech war? I didn’t think so either… Kyle Reese leaves good old Edward in the dust for many reasons- the biggest one being he can make a fucking pipe bomb out of household supplies and work his way into the damsel in distress’ panties in under forty minutes screen time… oh and he also coined “come with me if you want to live” one of the most romantic pick up lines ever. Sure… it doesn’t end well… not all stories are perfect- but what matters is that this guy had enough heart, drive and love to do something I’ve never seen anyone in history do… mainly because we don’t have time travel but since when should that stop someone?

 

5. John Bender (the Breakfast Club): nothing quite like having a bully at the dinner table. I loved John Bender so much that I purposefully stalked a dude in high school who kind of looked like him. Wait- am I REALLY telling you to obsess over a bully rather than a “vampire?” Yes. Because everyone knows a Bender- and they love him. We don’t see him in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions… he has just as much mystery as the Cullen kids only he’s not trying to hide his- he’s trying to set fire to the school. He’s your typical bully… hiding all feelings of an abusive home life. He’s negative and demeaning yet says some of the more intellectual shit during the course of a Saturday detention session. Oh AND he gets the princess.

 

 

4. Rick Grimes (The Walking Dead): I won’t get all that spoilery on you but Rick Grimes is a survivor… he’ll go through hell for you and he’s an extremely good father. He even takes pity on people who… may or may not have… boned his wife behind his back. Getting down to the grit of human survival… Rick really shines as a would-be hero of the zombie apocalypse- yet he’s not without some major flawed bullshit moral mind fucks… he’s a problem solver, he’s not afraid to cry and he can kill fifty zombies in under five minutes… one handed.

 

 

3. Bud Brigman (the Abyss): there’s something about a movie couple who mirrors your fighting parents that just gets you as a kid… such a run of the mill couple with marital problems… thousands of feet under the sea dealing with nuclear war and aliens. James Cameron is a goddamn love song poet. Bud is the very coolest of men- and long before Harry Stamper and AJ took over the doomsday oil rigger roles- this guy was shouting his epic lines of anger towards his estrange wife Lindsey, trying to bring her back to life. He will also brave miles of abyssal trenches under thousands of feet of water to help save mankind- which I view as a plus.

 

2. Louis + Lestat (Interview with the Vampire): remember when vampires were cool? Lestat de Lioncourt does… which is why he sired Louis de Pointe du Lac. Not only are these guys the real deal- they also make the feminine vampire vibe look hella badass- and THAT my friends is original… or at least as original as we can get for an ancient global myth. Louis is a much better brooder in my book and Lestat is a rock star… an actual rock star. This vampire had the balls to call out his kind by becoming a goddamn musician. Louis and Lestat don’t sparkle unless they eat a stripper… and they sure as shit don’t play baseball.

 

 

1. Rhett Butler (Gone with the Wind): time for your history lesson… Rhett Butler is one of the original idiots to fall for a stupid, annoying, selfish bitch- proving that vagina is the ultimate cosmic power int he universe- and can be JUST as emotionally abusive as any man. He’s also probably the original honey badger- because he didn’t give a damn. You love to hate his relationshit… it’s beyond frustrating… and in the end- you KNOW this bitch will get him back… I mean… god was her witness… and by the way- Rhett and Scarlett were the biggest fuck weasels in recent cinematic history- and their story is loads more compelling and emotionally driven than Twilight.

 

 

In closing I would like to add that all of these characters are fictional. This seems to be the biggest thing everyone is forgetting. FICTIONAL. They don’t exist in our reality. You can’t marry them. Sure we’ve all had those fantasies about [insert childhood movie star crush here] sweeping us off our feet… but that’s just the thing… they were usually decent role models… I mean- I really didn’t know Corey Feldman and Haim were druggies until I was older and then I dropped liking them because I knew they weren’t people to look up to… and yeah it was pretty devastating to know how badly River Phoenix fucked up… but these people are real. In a social standard that pretty much shoves the Hollywood factor down our throats- I think there are just better stories out there to go nuts over… (but not too nuts).

I am supportive of any of my friends and family who dig this movie- we as humans have obsessive natures. I am not saying that in some way- to some people the Twilight characters don’t have redeeming qualities… I’m sure there are some. I am not without liking some of the characters- who don’t talk a lot. In fact- if this story were about that Alice and Jasper I would be standing in line right now… but I stand firm in believing these are characters meant to entertain our minds and not be a standard for us to expect others to live up to. Husbands and boyfriends are finding themselves competing with a fictional teenage vampire who can do no wrong. Seems pretty ridiculous- seeing as how said vampire is a total controlling dick.

 

 

Permalink to “The Office” Recap, “Pam’s Replacement,” Season 8, Episode 7

“The Office” Recap, “Pam’s Replacement,” Season 8, Episode 7

by Amy|on November 17, 2011 |in Humor, Media, Television |tagged , , , |Leave a comment

So I know it’s kind of ridiculous to start writing about The Office now. I mean, it’s what, fourteen seasons in? What’s that? It’s only 8 seasons in and you think the sheer fact that I don’t know that means I’ll be a horrendous recapper for The Office? Shows what you know. I ROCK EVERYTHING THAT I DO SO HARD YOUR WHOLE FACE IS GOING TO MELT OFF.

ANYWAY, before I was rudely interrupted by the peanut gallery of RUDENESS, I was SAYING, that YES, I know it’s kind of ridiculous to start recapping The Office eight seasons and seven episodes in. And, ASIDE, are we really eight seasons in? GOOD GRAVY THAT’S A LONG TIME. But you know what? That’s how I roll. Also, I think I’m qualified. Here are the reasons why.

  1. I’ve never missed an episode.
  2. I like The Office.
  3. One time, Jim Krasinski came to my hometown. He was wearing a hat, and this fooled people into thinking he was not a very famous person, until he took his hat off, like Superman pulling off his glasses, and then people were all, “Aren’t you from M.A.S.H. or something?” True story. Kind of. I may have exaggerated parts of it. No, I don’t think you need to know which parts, NOSY.
  4. As mentioned earlier, I rock everything I do.

Also, these aren’t so much going to be “recaps” as they are “I’m going to ramble on about the episode a little so suck on that real recap sites that take things seriously.” Additionally, I think the show used to be a lot better than it is, so I’m hoping, through these recaps, to exhort it to become great again. Because you know the people who write it will read them. Why wouldn’t they? I mean, you did read about the rocking, right? That I do? How could you have missed it, I mentioned it twice.

The Office
Season 8, Episode 7
“Pam’s Replacement”

In brief: Pam trains a temp to take over for her while she is on maternity leave. She becomes obsessed with getting Jim to admit he is attracted to her and teams up with Dwight to prove the attraction. Meanwhile, Andy, Darryl and Kevin are jamming in the warehouse, when Robert California decides to jam with them, but it soon becomes apparent that they are no longer welcome in their own band.

That was an awesome recaplet. I should totally get paid for this.

Times I laughed out loud in this episode: 6

  1. Dwight grabbing Jim’s crotch repeatedly and then asking Pam if her husband had a very soft erection
  2. Erin’s proud look when she thought she really sold the pretend phone call about Andy’s dead mother (“She was hit. BY A BUS.”)
  3. Dwight handing Creed a Toblerone candy bar so he and Pam could spy from his corner of the office, and Creed looking at it like it fell from the sky and saying, “Where did I get this triangular thing?”
  4. Dwight mocking the old man at the drugstore
  5. Kelly wanting to write something mean on Jim’s bald friend’s Facebook wall and Pam saying “Oh, Kelly, don’t.”
  6. Ryan’s abnormal pride in his car, even though he lives with his mother

Times I wanted to punch someone: 1

  1. Effing Robert California, seriously, what the hell. STOP IT OFFICE.

Times I half-squeed: 2

  1. Pam’s worried face when she realized Jim had high blood pressure
  2. Jim faking us out by pretending he’d been attracted to Kathy all along

OK, listen. The show isn’t as funny as it used to be. That is a given. However! The show also does not make me want to hide behind a pillow anymore out of embarrassment like it did when Michael was in charge, which is nice.

Robert California is a stupid idea and I don’t think was thought through fully. They’ve got James Spader. Who is very talented. And they’re wasting him! He’s not funny! He’s just…there! Creepers gon’ creep, I don’t know! It is ODD. And I am not impressed. Also, what HAPPENED, Spader? Such a weird bloat-face going on. It is strange, right? Secretary was only about 10 years ago and he was smokin’ hot in that. I don’t get it. Is he ill?

What’s going on with that new warehouse girl? Last week there was this odd love triangle with her and scary skinny Gabe and Darryl, and this week it looked like she wanted to climb Andy’s pole. I don’t get it. On the other hand, I want her to play Michonne in future episodes of The Walking Dead. She has a look I like for the part. That is not relevant at all to what we’re discussing here.

I only half-squeed, by the way, because the show hasn’t given me a full squee in a really long time. I MISS MY SQUEES. Although Jim’s mad face when Dwight was groping him was SUPER HOT. I like angry Jim.

OK, so here’s the scoop. Every week, I’m going to rate The Office on two scales. One is overall, and the other is based on how much Creed there was. Because LISTEN. I am OBSESSED WITH CREED. Does anyone remember that episode when he dyed his hair with toner cartridges? BEST CREED EPISODE EVER.

So “Pam’s Replacement,” on the Creed Scale, gets:

ONE TONER CREED. Because he wasn’t in it much, but that Toblerone thing made me spit-take. Triangular thing. LOVE IT CREED.

And on a scale of one to ten Creeds, this episode gets:

ONE VAGUELY DISAPPOINTED CREED.

It would have been better, but Andy scatted a lot, and I am totally anti-scat.

Permalink to Batman Forever, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Dark Knight

Batman Forever, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Dark Knight

by Jennifer|on November 16, 2011 |in Comic Books, Media |tagged |Leave a comment
Batman Forever, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Dark Knight

How does one quantify the feelings one has for something she has loved for, literally, as long as she can remember? I have loved The Batman (his proper title, dontcha know) since I was three. It’s all my parents’ fault. They were the ones that plopped me down in front of the boob tube when Adam West’s campy take on the World’s Greatest Detective was in reruns. They were the ones who gave me a little Batmobile to zoom around the house. It’s their fault I’m a such a dork over the Caped Crusader.

Adam West & Burt Ward looking intense in the Batmobile

Bang! Smash! Boing! Crack! Blam! At three, you don’t know that all that silliness is meant to be tongue in cheek. For me, Batman was super smart and a super nice and just plain super. Robin always needed rescuing, though he was good in a fight. Batgirl was right there, too, ready to kick the bad guys’ butts and she was so smart. Maybe one of the things that made such a huge impression on me was how Batman treated everyone. There was always a chance for redemption in Batman’s world; especially if you were Catwoman. (wink wink, nudge nudge) Oh and that would be Julie Newmar, please, though I loved Eartha Kitt, too. I loved Batman utterly, yet somehow, when the show went off the air, I lost track of him. I missed out on Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns and Alan Moore’s Killing Joke, being a bit too young for such fare and having no access to comic books. I was a girl and comic shops didn’t really come into their own until a few years later. My parents were not the type to go into one anyway. For me, the next time I saw Batman was when the Tim Burton movies started coming out. Somewhere along the line, I had grown up a bit, and so had Batman. There was Batman stuff everywhere. Hats, pants, jewelry, stickers, you couldn’t walk three feet without seeing that symbol. Still, Batman and I were not ready to completely reconnect.

You know, Michael Keaton made an awesome Batman

I started reading comics when I was 15, at first borrowing my boyfriend’s X-Men, then getting into Vertigo books like The Extremist on my own soon after. The boyfriend is long gone, the comic books stayed. It wasn’t until I got into college that Batman came back into my life. I don’t really know why I hadn’t checked out “Batman” or “Detective Comics” or any of the other Bat books. I think maybe I was too busy trying to be edgy by buying indie books or something. The mainstream superhero books just were not on my radar. There was definitely a perception on my part that Batman was something I did as a little kid and not something the adult I was trying to become should take seriously.

Jim Lee's iconic Batman, overlooking Gotham

At last, one of my dearest friends and I were in a comic book store (don’t ask me which one, we go to all of them). I was probably done with my own browsing and waiting for her to finish. To keep myself occupied, I starting looking at all the books I had been ignoring, the ones with DC on the cover. And it was then that I found him again. I probably stopped in my tracks. The memory, as you can see, is a bit hazy, though I do distinctly remember thinking ‘Hey, I loved Batman as a kid, why am I not reading him?”. So I started picking up “Batman” and “Detective Comics” (the two main Bat titles). Soon after I started reading the other Batman-starring titles like “Gotham Nights” and “Legends of the Dark Knight”, both now gone, with many others taking their place. It felt like I had come home, whether it was to some innocent, younger part of myself, or simply to something that had resonance for me personally, I’m not sure. All I knew was that, just like The Beatles, The Batman was where it started and ended for me from that moment on. When the main titles were not enough, I threw myself in fully and found “Nightwing”, “Birds of Prey” and “Catwoman”, all featuring Batman’s sidekicks and nemesi. I came to love them all just as much as The Dark Knight, particularly Dick Grayson, the original Robin, and Barbara Gordon, the original Batgirl, both now grown up and with thrilling stories of their own. So here I am now, come full circle, back to the beginning. I read almost every Batman book I can get my hands on, watching as Batman and his family struggle against an un-ending tide of corruption, greed and growing evil, to keep the citizens of Gotham safe and bring criminals to justice.

The Bat Family, in all its glory. Circa early 2011.

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