As I make my way through life, I have always been more of a quality over quantity type of person- especially when making friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love friends and I have quite a few close ones… people I can tell anything, they can tell me anything… we’re on some sort of cosmic wave length… it’s EASY being friends.
Lately, some of my friends have been complaining about one sided friendships- and sadly I’ve run into this problem as well… since I’m now over thirty- it’s been a bit of a wake up call. Personally, I put a lot into friendships… but the downside is you have to deal with my sarcasm. I’m not for everyone, that’s for sure. I don’t ask for much in return. But I think at the very least, a good friend should believe in your dreams and aspirations almost as much as their own… and be pleasant. Have my back. Because I’ll have yours.
Why have any sort of standard concerning friendship? Well, you don’t have to. I choose to. It’s worked out quite well for me in the past… you don’t want to call up someone with big news and they aren’t the least bit impressed and begin talking about whatever they’re doing- that they’ve conveniently left you out of- with a bored tone. Like they would rather be listening to Kenny G Live than talk to you. Call me crazy- but I like having happy people around. I’d like to feel wanted (holy shit, so high maintenance!), I don’t just want to deal with a bitchy attitude all the time. Because it sucks all the positivity away, makes you feel shitty and hurts your feelings- and in turn, makes YOU bitchy. Why fool yourself into calling that a friendship?
“Oh that’s just the way she is,” is a common defense. Well then fuck her. Why would anyone invest in a shallow, negative cloud of friendship? Especially if they would drop you like a bad answer with the flip of a hat.
I really see a lot of “putting up” with people- out of convenience, or respect for a significant other who is nicer but for some reason loves being miserable… yadda yadda. It’s not something I’d put myself through. If it’s difficult to be someone’s friend- then they aren’t your friend. You’re better than them- move on. Let them be shocked that you had the decency to just walk away.
Just like an abusive relationship- a shitty friend CAN (and most likely will) abuse you. By no means does a friendship have to be balanced… but there should always be SUPPORT. If you give all your support and they give you zero in return… let them be surprised they don’t have any of your support during their next endeavor… they will view it as you being a jerk (remember, self involved) but at least you don’t have to be taken advantage of anymore. (PS It’s really fucking liberating)
- Friends do not take what you say in confidence, and repeat it in mixed company.
- Friends do not talk negatively about you behind your back.
- Friends will take on a favor from you and get it done.
- Friends will want to see you to succeed just as much as they want to see themselves succeed.
- Friends will NOT treat your significant other like shit.
- Friends will not let other friends treat you like shit.
- Friends give credit where credit is due.
- Friends are considerate of your feelings yet will confront you when you’re being unreasonable.
Yeah it all sounds harsh- like a list (omg we hate lists!) but honestly… all this comes naturally to decent people. Shit ain’t hard. Don’t sell yourself short because someone is trying to trample you into the ground to make themselves appear larger. All of the above mentioned things are red flags.
You best believe I won’t be putting any effort into moving a brick wall… your friendship is a gift, your support is a blessing- and people should be fucking honored to have it. This isn’t high school… people shouldn’t be stupid assholes just because they can’t control their hormones. I wouldn’t advice anyone to settle in a relationship- so I wouldn’t advice anyone to settle for a friendship either…
Author’s Note: 90% of my good friends (RL) are people I’ve met over the years through online gaming or online social media… 5% through other friends… 5% College… next post will explore the benefits of online friendships.
