Today we get to play a game called… help Cara identify her phobia.

Sure, I hate dolls, clowns, and people in full costume… but my main fear is kind of an embarrassing one… because it doesn’t make a lot of sense. I also don’t know how to identify it.

So let me tell you what I fear… large propellers, certain parts of ships (mainly the anchor), and certain circumstances surrounding a ship’s condition. Let me detail this one out for you.

I was in the Navy- I don’t FEAR ships… at least not once I’m on them. I can be near them but only if they aren’t dry docked. I can’t even look at a ship in dry dock. I can’t handle a ship in any sort of state unless it’s upright and in the water. It took me an hour to try and look at the Costa Concordia photos because half of them were under the water, looking at the gash in the hull etc. It made me feel panicked and it’s not like I’m even on the same fucking continent.

The Abyss? I almost pass out when the submarine’s props come into view in the water. Titanic sinking? I can’t watch the props rise and I’ve only seen the guy fall and hit them ONCE out of the bajillion times I’ve watched the movie. Fucking James Cameron LOVES propellers. I’m not going to even think about them in 3D.

Here’s a weird one… Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (which should have been, by the way), I can’t watch the part when the propellers are eating the small boat he’s on. I’m hard pressed to think it’s ONLY propellers because any time they show the upside down ship in the Poseidon Adventure, I freak out. In fact… I can’t barely watch the Poseidon Adventure- and forget about the remake when they have to get out of the ship THROUGH the props. Forget. It. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I’ve had a few people just tell it it was Mechanophobia- the fear of large machines… but that’s kind of bullshit because I love the Transformers. I mean- could be fear of large realistic machines I guess… I am not very fond of large tractors, silos or anything you can fall into or under and die horribly… but they don’t cause anxiety.

I like that my phobia’s have conditions. It’s really stupid. I have a picky phobia. I do know that propellers scare me the most- and thankfully they haven’t been showing those in the media in the wake of this Costa Concordia disaster. I hate HATE propellers. I was researching the Britannic sinking back in high school and when I got to the part about the lifeboat being sucked into the propellers I had a full on panic attack in the library- yes LIBRARY. THOSE STILL EXISTED WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL. See there doesn’t seem to be a bridge between seeing props in real life, in a book or in a movie… it’s the same reaction. HATE THEM.

So I’ve laid it out for you… the main fear that causes anxiety and actual attacks. See, a fox in a costume I could, in theory, attack and beat the shit out of… but a propeller means business. There’s no fighting a propeller. I mean… what it boils down to is a fear of dying horribly. Dying I can handle… getting chopped up by a big fucking metal blade… not so much.

Yahoo Answers- as usual- is no fucking help. One person stated “think rationally, how could a ship hurt you?”  Well… IDIOT… first off, phobias AREN’T rational. That’s why they are fucking PHOBIAS. Second of all I can give you about a thousand ways a SHIP could hurt me… mainly by my own stupidity but whatever. Third- I’m not afraid of ships- I’m afraid of the idea of ships in any state other than in the fucking water, upright, where they belong.

Someone at my work place stated that phobias come from past life experiences… which I suppose could make more sense. Reincarnated soul of one of those poor Britanic life boat victims, for sure. Mystery solved. I’m just a nut bar.